The Second Coming of Cheesus

Possibly irate about having his crunchy holiness contained in a tiny display box, Our Lord and Savior Cheesus has manifested once again in this mortal coil:

[Kelly Ramey of High Ridge, Mo.] bought a bag of [Cheetos at] a local convenience store, and inside the bag she felt something unusual.

"I looked at that and I thought, 'Oh my that looks like Jesus on the cross.' It was just like wow," she says.

Family and friends agree with her. Her daughter says, "I thought it was pretty cool." But Kelly Ramey's friend, Sue Edelman, sees something different. "I looked again and I thought a horse head."

Sue Edelman, you are going to hell.

Kelly doesn't plan to sell the Cheeto and will keep it in a safe deposit box.

Cheesus Christ, Kelly! Didn't you learn anything from Our Lord and Savior Cheesus being confined once before? Next thing you know—

—wait, what's this?

I said "Jesus, I know you want me to lose weight somehow. Please, Lord, give me a sign to help me find the courage to do what I need to. I'm so weak – HELP ME, JESUS!!"

And that's when the Miracle happened. I opened the bag, full of guilt, and pulled out a Cheetoh, and THERE WAS LORD JESUS STARING ME IN THE FACE!!!

Something tells me the finder of Cheesus the Third are using Our Munchy Messiah to make mock of fatties. Cheesus will not be pleased.

He'll be back. You can count on that. Cheesus will keep returning until he falls into the hands of someone who appreciates his power and greatness, who will not imprison him, nor use him for nefarious purposes.

Keep your eyes peeled, Shakers. Cheesus just may come to one of you.

CHEESUS WILL NOT BE DENIED!

[Hat tips to Shakers Anthony Cartouche and Constant Comment, respectively. Holy folks Gone Wild: Weeping and bleeding and appearing in Cheetos, pretzels, fire and on pancakes, baking sheets, pizza pans, doggy doors, ice, peanuts, x-rays, turtles, ultrasounds, chocolate, dying plants, sheet metal, trees, more trees, more trees, more trees, more trees, more trees, wardrobes, water stains, plates of pasta, drywall, fish, grilled cheese sandwiches, and potato chips.]