That Clunking Sound You Hear?

It's me hitting my head against my desk after reading this POS article at LiveScience, headlined: "The Pill Makes Women Pick Bad Mates."

Follow me on the awesome train of logic used to come to that conclusion:

1. Body odor can be one of several critical factors in determining a mate, "because beneath a woman's flowery fragrance or a guy's musk the body sends out aromatic molecules that indicate genetic compatibility."

2. Despite how it's written which suggests otherwise, "genetic compatibility" doesn't mean that a couple's DNA can indicate a successful relationship; "genetic compatibility" refers to major histocompatibility complex (MHC) genes, a wider variation in which among couples means healthier kids: "When individuals with different MHC genes mate, their offspring's immune systems can recognize a broader range of foreign cells, making them more fit."

3. Women on the pill tend to choose mates with the same MHC smells as themselves instead of the opposite: "[T]he best mates are those that have different MHC smells than you. The new study reveals, however, that when women are on the pill they prefer guys with matching MHC odors."

Ergo, "The Pill Makes Women Pick Bad Mates" is true because women on the pill pick men with whom they would produce kids with slightly less robust immune systems—and everyone knows that all women value their primary relationship exclusively on whether it will allow them to biologically produce the healthiest children possible with their partner. Especially lesbians. And women contentedly married to men with inherited genetic disorders.

And women who want to remain deliberately childless.

Please join me in a Moment of Irony Appreciation as we consider that the latter group includes lots and lots of happily married women on the pill.

[H/T to Shakers Kathy and BGK.]