What the Poop, For Real

I've been trying to think of a way that I might contribute to Petulant's War in Defense of Christmas, but as a pagan dyke with no boxes of shiny glitteryness at hand, I found myself at a loss.

'Twas then that I stumbled upon a seasonal decoration that I felt I could really get behind -- a time-honored Xmas tradition from romantic Catalonia. The Caganer:

"The caganer is a particular feature of modern Catalan nativity scenes . . . . . Accompanying Mary, Joseph, Jesus, the Shepherds and company, the caganer is often tucked away in a corner of the model, typically nowhere near the manger scene. There is a good reason for his obscure position in the display, for "caganer" translates from Catalan to English as "pooper", and that is exactly what this little statue is doing — defecating." ~ Wikipedia

The "possible reasons for placing a man who in the act of excreting waste in a scene which is widely considered holy", are listed at Wikipedia in this order (emphasis mine):

• Tradition.
• Perceived humor.
• Finding the Caganer is a fun game, especially for children.
• The Caganer, by creating feces, is fertilizing the Earth. However, this is probably an a posteriori explanation, and few cite this reason for including the Caganer in the Nativity scene. (posteriori -- tee-hee)
• The Caganer represents the equality of all people: regardless of status, race, or gender, everyone defecates.
• Increased naturalism of an otherwise archetypal (thus idealised) story, so that it is more believable, taken literally and seriously.
• The idea that God will manifest her/himself when s/he is ready, without regard for whether we human beings are ready or not.
• The caganer reinforces that the infant Jesus is God in human form, with all that being human implies.

I absolutely treasure those last five justifications -- I can just see the first joker to sneak a squatting shitter into the creche scene, hauled in front of the local bishopric, babbling away:

"But . . . . but . . . . . I was struck by the Spirit! Baby Jesus came to me while I was taking a crap and said -- 'I, too, shat'!!"

Yeah. Right. And this little prank that I pulled was a devout tribute to the Lord's fully-God-fully-human nature that implies that gender and sex are irrelevant. Uh-huh.

So, as we count down the next 12 shopping shitting days 'til Christmas, I'll be posting your "Daily Caganer" -- because it turns out that there are kajillions of different variations on the classic Catalonia Caca-phonist.

Daily Caganer! Watch for it! A Shakesville Exclusive! Brought to you by PortlyDyke.

(No need to thank me. Just doing my part to brighten the season.)