Sanctity of Marriage

If there's one thing I always say America is missing, it's a reality show about arranged marriages:

CBS is treading into potentially controversial reality TV territory again.

…The show introduces four adults in the 25-45 age range who are eager to get married but have been unsuccessful in their search for a mate. Their friends and family select a spouse for them, and the newly paired couple exchange marital vows. The series follows their marriages.

The rest of the details for the project, whose early working title is "Arranged Marriage," are being kept under wraps.

Some of you may recall the charming Fox series "Married by America," in which viewers' votes determined the pairings, but worry not: "Arranged Marriage" is no imitator and "differs from the earlier show in key ways," like not giving strangers a vote—and its use of gratuitous and unapologetic cultural appropriation to justify this exploitative fuckneckery!

CBS' "Marriage" presents itself as a documentary series about finding true love, a show that extends the Eastern tradition of an arranged marriage (where friends and family select the mate) into the West.

Another difference is that on "Married," despite the pundit outcry, nobody on the show actually ended up getting hitched. On CBS, couples will really tie the knot.

Oh, goody. And will there be dowries? Gee, I hope there are dowries!

*headdesk*

Thank Maude most of the country still doesn't let Teh Gayz marry, to preserve the sanctity of the fine institution of American marriage.