Memorable Reviews

Deeks just emailed me the opening line of Roger Ebert's review of the new film Fired Up:

After the screening of "Fired Up!," one of my colleagues grimly observed that "Dead Man" was a better cheerleader movie. That was, you will recall, the 1995 Western starring Johnny Depp, Robert Mitchum, Billy Bob Thornton and Iggy Pop. I would give almost anything to see them on a cheerleader squad.

To which I replied:

Ebert is a gem. Did you ever read his zero-star review of Freddy Got Fingered? (If not, you must read it right now.) It contains my favorite line from a movie review evah: "This movie doesn't scrape the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't below the bottom of the barrel. This movie doesn't deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence with barrels."

To which Deeks replied with another classic Ebert quote from his review of the dreadful North:

I hated this movie. Hated hated hated hated hated this movie. Hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it. Hated the sensibility that thought anyone would like it. Hated the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be entertained by it.

Which I will see and raise a quip from Steven Hyden's review of the abysmally-reviewed Meet the Spartans:

Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, the writer-director-producer team behind Date Movie, Epic Movie, and now Meet The Spartans, have a nice racket going. At the beginning of the year, during the pre-Oscar doldrums when studios quickly and quietly dump failed projects into theaters to die ignoble deaths, Friedberg and Seltzer release another half-assed, quickie spoof flick. They've done it for three years in a row, and the strategy so far has led to big opening weekends followed by precipitous drop-offs once word gets around that, shockingly, their movies are fucking terrible.

What lines from movie reviews have stuck with you over the years?