Miss March

Last month, I wrote about a film called Miss March, the premise of which is a road trip taken by two guys, one of whom has just awakened from a four-year coma, to hook up with the Playboy centerfold to whom the coma kid was going to lose his virginity back when she was his high school girlfriend, before he got knocked on the head and comafied.

Well, the film opened on Friday and the reviews are in: It has tied Meet the Spartans' hilariously abysmal Metacritic score of 8 (that's out of 100), and Shaker InfamousQBert forwarded me the link to MaryAnn Johanson's review, which you must read in full, but here is a delicious excerpt:

As an example of Hollywood's utter disdain for women, particularly in movies aimed at young men, Miss March hits a new low, punishing women with any apparent sexual knowledge and experience with insults, injury, and even death... and the more they make themselves available to men, the more harshly they are punished. One woman who merely indicates that she would like to spend some time with one male character then is forced by the film to unwittingly drink a glass of dog urine (and she enjoys it, of course, because that's the kind of thing stinkin' filthy whores do). But she gets off relatively easy: another woman gets stabbed in the face with a fork by the man she is fellating, and another -- perhaps the most sexually aggressive woman the film offers -- is sucked out a bus window, presumably to her death, while she in the process of offering herself to a man.

…So, in the world of Miss March -- and presumably in the worlds of many of the young men at whom this movie is aimed -- women are worthless, interchangeable, and literally disposable. The men aren't much better, of course, but at least the world caters to their worthlessness.

Now let's all get back to busily pretending that churning out a constant stream of woman-hating crap under the pretense of harmless entertainment for consumption by young men and women doesn't matter, and stuff like famous young men smashing the fuck out of their famous young girlfriends' faces happens in a void, and it's so gosh-darn golly inexplicable that millions of young men and women everywhere would take a long look at that madness and all gravely intone variations on she deserved it.