Assvertising

Ladies, you should get Pond's Age Miracle face cream so you, too, can receive unwanted advances by your old boyfriend, only to totes pwn him by looking hot when your new boyfriend strolls up and marks his territory by sort of sniffing you—because nothing's more embarrassing than visible fine lines and age spots when you're playing the pawn in a men's property rights battle. (Via.)

[A dude and a lady come from different directions and meet in the public space of an apartment building. They appear to recognize each other.]

Dude: [leering] Hi.

Lady: [breathy] Hi.

Dude: [leering] It's been a long time.

Lady: [terse] Ten months.

Dude: [leering] Ahh, you look great.

Lady: [disinterested] Hmm.

Dude: [leering] So are you living here?

Lady: [businesslike] No, I'm here to look at a flat.

Dude: [leering] The penthouse. Me, too. That's a perfect flat for one. [moves in closer] Or, uh, maybe even two.

Lady: [amused] Hmm. [second dude walks up behind her and arranges himself to indicate ownership] Just what we're looking for.

New Dude leads her away and Old Dude looks like he just smelled poop.

Text: Fix your past. Pond's Age Miracle.

[Assvertising: Parts One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen, Seventeen, Eighteen, Nineteen, Twenty, Twenty-One, Twenty-Two, Twenty-Three, Twenty-Four, Twenty-Five, Twenty-Six, Twenty-Seven, Twenty-Eight, Twenty-Nine, Thirty, Thirty-One, Thirty-Two, Thirty-Three, Thirty-Four, Thirty-Five, Thirty-Six, Thirty-Seven, Thirty-Eight, Thirty-Nine, Forty, Forty-One, Forty-Two, Forty-Three, Forty-Four, Forty-Five, Forty-Six, Forty-Seven, Forty-Eight, Forty-Nine, Fifty.]