Esquire Inquires

Esquire Magazine begins this story, titled "Where Have All the Loose Women Gone?" with what could have been an interesting question: Are smart, successful women having less sex than they used to?

But this is a men's magazine, so naturally the answer is: a) yes, the selfish bitches; and b) based on not one shred of evidence or conversation with an actual woman.

Let's have a gander, shall we?

Brilliant, funny, and powerful women are retreating from sex as never before, and if you don't believe it, take the curious case of Liz Lemon.

Liz Lemon, for those without a TV/access to the Internet/a connection to the outside world, is a comedy writer played by Tina Fey on the NBC series 30 Rock. She doesn't have a lot of sex: CURIOUS! Except for the fact that she's a FICTIONAL FUCKING CHARACTER, and thus has about as much to do with real professional comedy writers as Carrie Bradshaw has to do with real newspaper columnists.

And speaking of Carrie, our shoe-obsessed friend from Sex and the City is Esquire's next example--as an exemplar of the way women used to be (and, presumably, should be again): Sexually rapacious, obsessed with men.

The Sex and the City fantasia of fin de siècle Manhattan broke women's desires into separable components — status, career, money — but sooner or later every conversation between the four principals came back to who's doing what with whom, how well, and how often.

Yes, why can't we go back to that halcyon fantasia, when men were men and women's only purpose was to have as much sex with them as possible?

Lest you think I'm making much ado about a critique of TV characters, note that the writer then uses those examples to make claims like the following:

[T]he post-post-feminist maelstrom that is Danica Patrick and the Real Housewives of Wherever and Secretary Clinton versus Beauty Queen Palin means that women can wield real power, but it comes at the cost of confusion — professional, social, and sexual. ... Which is a disaster for men. Until now, feminism has been the best thing that ever happened to us, because it means we get to sleep with people rather than ciphers.

Ah, yes, the confusing idea that women are people.

My point isn't that the women on Sex in the City are as problematic as an Everywoman ideal as is Fey's sexless Liz Lemon; it's that basing one's idea of what women are like sexually on television (well, TV and the lyrics to one Lily Allen show) instead of talking to actual women makes about as much sense as basic your idea of what men are like on Pepsi Max commercials and Eminem lyrics. Which is to say, none at all.