On the American Idol Finale; Or: Your Blogmistress Is Nutz

***SPOILER WARNING***


So which one of these two crazy kids do you think won American Idol tonight? The nice, competent, pleasant-voiced embodiment of aw-shucks humility, or the brash, innovative, fuck-machine whose every pore oozed star power the likes of which that sad little talent show has never seen before and quite possibly never will again?

(If you don't want to know, DON'T CLICK below the fold...)



Oh. Congratulations on being straight.
This morning, I had a dream that Adam won, but by the time the winner was announced, I knew in my bones it wasn't going to be him. I tried to steel myself for it, but when Ryan Seacrest announced Kris' name, I threw the remote and pouted.

And then, of course, I started emailing Deeks.

Came back the replies: Lots of LOLs and "i hope you're saving these" and "you are totally crackin' my shit up" and then, simply, "you soooooooo need to post these."

As requested, in order, the unedited evidence that bigotry really does quite genuinely make me crazy:

I am going to post a really annoyed post about it tomorrow morning. If I post something right now, I'm going to be way more mean to Kris himself than he deserves.

It actually gave me chest pains to watch him basking in the glow of privilege. But, on the other hand, I feel sorry for him, because he *knows* it. "Adam deserves this." Days ago he was saying that he hopes he doesn't win because of the Christian vote, which I'm sure is because he, like everyone else who's into the show and has a computer, is well aware that there are legions of Christians who were organizing to keep the big queerbait from winning boo hoo we hate homos!

The win is now tainted for him, too, because a bunch of fundy fucknecks had to use American fucking Idol for their retrofuck bigoted agenda. Way to go, assholes.

I was ranting about how angry I was (I'm such a peach to live with!) and saying that I was furious thinking about all the people CELEBRATING THEIR FUCKING VICTORY of denying a talented guy a win he deserved on the basis that he's gay, and Iain said: "What a pitiful little success. It's the only thing they've had to celebrate since Obama won."

We got the White House; they got American Idol. And that STILL brings me no solace, because ADAM SHOULD HAVE WON!!!

I hope Brain May makes Adam the new lead singer of Queen and they go on tour and make millions and millions and GAJILLIONS of dollars that will NEVER EVER end up in an antigay church coffer, and I will be in the front row screaming "We Are the Champions" at the top of my bloody lungs.

FUCK EVERYTHING!!!

I really need to stop watching American Idol.

And, btw, I know thinkin' isn't a fundy strong suit and all, but in their zeal to vote against the Big Terrible Rampaging Homosexual, I suppose it never occurred to them that maybe sending the Good Christian Boy into the debauched world of American Pop Culture Fame is quite a questionable victory for Jesus.

Also: FUCK THE MOTHERFUCKING MEDIA and American Idol for setting up the finale as a showdown between "the theatrical glam rocker" and "the boy next door." You know, assholes, some of us have ZOMG Flamboyant Gayboys living next door to us, and we're JUST FINE WITH THAT!!!!!!!!eleventy!

Here's his actual quote upon winning and being asked by Asscrest how it feels: "It feels good, man, but Adam deserves this." Yeah, ya THINK?!

Tell that to all the GOOD CHRISTIANS who organized the HATE CAMPAIGN against him because he has the unmitigated temerity to suck cock and paint his fingernails OH NOES WHAT ABOUT THE CHILLRENZZZ?!??!

You know what will happen if we crown a gay American Idol, don't you?! Children will be singing SHOW TUNES in the streets and marrying their DOGS!

Worse yet, dogs will be singing show tunes and marrying dogs of the SAME SEX!!!

And no one wants to live in a country with gay dogs sporting blue fauxhawks. NO ONE!

This is all true.