Totally Not Shaker Gourmet: Tuna Sashimi with "Dipping Sauce"

From the book Natural Harvest by Fotie Photenhauer:

Tuna Sashimi with Dipping Sauce

Sashimi is raw fish served only with a dipping sauce. It is a good example of the subtlety in the Japanese kitchen. The delicate fish and the spicy sauce make a great appetizer. Fresh tuna and fresh semen are a splendid food combination.

Fresh tuna
¼ cup soy sauce
½ cup peanut oil
2 tablespoons sesame oil
1 tablespoon grated garlic
1 tablespoon grated ginger
1 tablespoon semen

Slice the tuna very thin and set aside. Whisk together remaining ingredients. Serve the tuna with the dipping sauce. Garnish with some simple greens and pickled ginger. For more semen flavor, omit the garlic and ginger.

Oh, did I fail to mention the book's complete title? It's Natural Harvest: A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes.



Other recipes include the Almost White Russian, which seems fairly faithful to the traditional recipe, aside from the requisite dose of spunk, Man Made Oysters that calls for "Chilled fresh semen, the more the better," and Creamy Cum Crepes, with a doubtlessly delightful cottage cheese and jizz filling.

Plus there are handy chef's notes throughout, like this one on storing your perishables: "Keep a small container in the freezer and simply add (ejaculate) into the container every morning..." And this one, on proper mise en place: "Plan your semen dinner in advance by collecting semen in the morning and then just before it is called for in the recipe."

Of course, this tip, to me, sounds a decidedly dangerous undertaking: "Heat up a lightly oiled frying pan/skillet. Remove from heat and ejaculate directly into the pan..." You know, the only thing less appealing to me than eating a spunk omelette is the idea of putting my cock near a sizzling pan of oil.

But if you are the type who's curious about new cuisine, pick up your copy of Natural Harvest here.