We Lulus Prefer "Coo-Coo Nuttyballs," Thanks

Shaker Juliette emails (which I am publishing with her permission):

Sunday, I read in the "Single File" (boredom at work, I swear!) in the Long Island edition of Newsday a response from the columnist that really got my blood boiling. So much so, I had half a mind to write the paper. I was told by a friend that Shakesville might be interested, and though I was initially wary of wasting your time with something so small, your "More" section gave me some hope. … I have not been able to find it on the website, but I will transcribe the question and answer word-for-word. The letter:

DEAR SUSAN: My girlfriend and I differ on sexual values. She thinks that it's OK to talk about having sex on a casual basis and that it's equally OK to do it. I disagree. Because of this, I have trouble trusting her. This is always in the back of my mind, even if I have no clear other reason to feel anxious. How can I handle this?

-- Harry H. Long Island

The response:

DEAR HARRY: By bidding her a (not so) fond farewell. This woman's a lulu, and unless you want to spend your time away from her wondering where she's prone -- and with whom -- best to end this fiasco. This female may be a girl but certainly is no friend to you or anyone else in her live. Particularly to herself.

What has you off-center is much more than her sexual values -- it's her entire character. She's telling her in her own sort of code that her body, her feelings, her very soul are empty. And your anxiety is telegraphing the message to all parts of Harryland, a very healthy reaction. This soon-to-be former "girlfriend" is on her way out of your life because your moral code can't live with her values. Stop agonizing, and start organizing your farewell scenario. Where there's no trust, there can be no love.

Which has to be the craziest thing I've ever read. Recently.

I guess I'm not as smart as "Susan," because I don't even know what "talk[ing] about sex on a casual basis" even means, although if it's saying something like, "I totes want to have crazy, passionate, last-night-on-earth sex with Naveen Andrews," then I have to say I'm all in favor of talking about sex on a casual basis, right down to the very depths of my (evidently) empty soul. But then, I've always been kind of a "lulu."

In other things that make me a lulu: I don't assume that any woman who refuses to judge people for having casual sex is a soulless slut. Also: I deeply suspect that any man who treats such a refusal as justification to withhold his trust and/or suspect cheating is an asshole.

No need to wonder why there's a happiness gap, when the answers are in front of us at all times: We are disposable if are sexual, and we are useless if we are not.