Teenz Korner: The P0rn-Again Lolpublicans

Hey, assholes! It's Kenny Blogginz here, with another one of my shocking exposés! Much like the time Dr. Hunter S. Thompson risked life and limb to infiltrate the notorious biker gang Hell's Angels, I courageously went undercover last week in a group of local teens who consider themselves world-class irony aficionados. I interviewed Chad Brotanic, the leader of a local group called The P0rn-Again Lolpublicans, an ironic Republican club for teens who want to express their allegedly progressive ideals by satirizing the Conservative movement.

KBlogz: Thanks so much for sitting down with me this evening, Mr. Brotanic.

ChadBro: Please, call me Chad.

KBlogz: OK, Chad, why don't you tell me a little bit about the P0rn-Again Lolpublicans?

ChadBro: Well, Kenny, I started the P0rn-Again Lolpublicans three years ago because I was so fed up with the Conservative fuck-heap that American culture had become, I felt I had to do something. My first idea was to start a progressive radio show, but I realized that NPR had the market cornered. Then I decided to start my own progressive blog, but I became worried that a progressive dudebro like me wouldn't be able to stand out in that field.

KBlogz: Sure.

ChadBro: Finally, I came up with the idea of being an ironic Republican, and that was just too funny to pass up. So I got some like-minded friends and allies together, and we all registered as Republicans (while laughing uproariously of course) and started attending fundamentalist church services together (while whispering things like "YEAH RIGHT" or "OH, BULLSHIT"). We pooled our money together and bought a Hummer H2, complete with truck-nutz and a bumper sticker that simply says "Tits" in all caps.

KBlogz: Your group is fascinating to me, Chad, but I can't help but notice some fundamental flaws; being ironic is all well and good, but didn't you just say that you registered as Republicans?

ChadBro: Yeah, we even voted for McCain! Can you believe that shit?

KBlogz: How is an ironic vote for McCain any different than a genuine vote?

ChadBro: Uh, for one thing, we were laughing when we did it.

KBlogz: But you could have helped McCain win.

ChadBro: Look, we genuinely wanted McCain/Palin to win so that we could harness their raw comedic value for years to come! If you can't appreciate that, then you obviously have no sense of humor!

KBlogz: Christ. OK. Um. What are the other Lolpublicans like? Who is willing to put up with your...hilarious parodies?

ChadBro: Funny you should ask that, Kenny. Only straight white Irono-Christian dudes are allowed to join the P0rn-Again Lolpublicans. We pretend to be sexist and homophobic and racist for optimum ironic humor.

KBlogz: Do you think the peeps of color and gays and women think it's funny that they can't join your group for the sake of comedy?

ChadBro: If they have any sense of humor they do!

KBlogz: DAMN IT, CHAD! *Deep breaths, Kenny, save your rage for the Knit-Wits Knit-In* What types of activities do the Lolpublicans engage in?

ChadBro: We ironically watch movies together, ironically discuss books with each other, that sort of thing.

KBlogz: Oh? What sort of material do you ironic hipster dudebros favor?

ChadBro: For the past few weeks we've been ironically having a Michael Bay marathon. That man's product placement is so...bold. For books, we usually stick to the ironic greats, like Tom Clancy.

KBlogz: I just don't know what to say anymore. Oh, look at that—our time's up. Thanks for sitting down with me, Chad!

ChadBro: It's been my pleasure, Kenny. If you ever want to join the Lolpublicans, you've got my number. We could really use a muscular, handsome man like yourself.

KBlogz: I will consider that offer carefully, Chad.

As Chad Brotanic morphed into a bald eagle and flew into the sunset, I was left alone with my thoughts about Irony, and contemplated whether Irony or Climate Change will destroy the planet more swiftly.