From the You've Got to Be Shitting Me Files

[Spoiler warnings for the film Orphan lurk herein.]

No transcript for the trailer, but the general gist is that a young couple adopts a girl from an orphanage...but she's got a secret! Surprise—she's a psycho!

So, when I first saw the trailer for the film Orphan, my first thought was: "Oh, yeah, that's exactly what the millions of older kids desperately in need of adoption need—a movie that depicts them as freaking murderous lunatics." (Actually, my first thought may technically have been: Peter Sarsgaard, what are you doing in this piece of crap?! But I digress.)

And the whole adoptive-child-as-psycho thing would have been bad enough, but it's actually far worse than that: Esther isn't an orphaned child at all, but

a thirty-something psycho-killer with proportional dwarfism which allows her to pose as a perpetual 9-year-old adoptee who tries to seduce her adoptive fathers, and when they refuse her, brutally kills them and burns down the house with the rest of the family in it. She's done this like, twenty times, and apparently no one has noticed a pattern. Listen, I watch this stuff so you don't have to.

Awesome. So not only another film about an Unhinged Fuck-Me-or-Death Lady punishing men who won't sleep with her, but a dwarf lady who inexplicably poses as a child in order to insinuate herself into the lives of unavailable men. Ooooooookay.

Among all the other many, many reasons why this concept is brutally fucked up, let me offer this final reason: I have exactly one non-fantasy film in my vast collection that has as its central protagonist a dwarf. (That movie, btw, is The Station Agent, with the exceptionally dreamy Peter Dinklage.) And I have exactly zero films, non-fantasy or otherwise, that have as their central protagonists a woman with dwarfism.

Suffice it to say, this is not because I'm avoiding films about dwarf women.