Shaker Help Request

by an Anonymous Shaker

I was dismayed and surprised last night to discover, in a pile of my 11 year old son's school papers, a page torn from one of our local free newspapers. More specifically, this page was from the "personals" section, the rather euphemistic heading under which "escort agencies" advertise their services with colour pictures of the scantily clad or nude woman they have for sale. (They advertise for male escorts as well, but this page was all women).

Issues of consent and coercion are regular topics of conversation around our home, and we strive to raise both our kids with a sex-positive and open atmosphere and to our credit, our son frequently espouses feminist ideals and has a good concept of intersectionality. He is an advocate for GLBTIQ acceptance and speaks loudly against racism and ablism. I'm quite proud of him.

He is also at the very beginning of puberty, and it's clear that he's starting to seek out sexual imagery, no doubt to both answer his curiosities and to provide himself with, well, let's call it "inspiration."

Several things about this seem obvious to me: Obviously, we are going to have to have a talk about these advertisements. Obviously, he is seeking visual stimuli which is available and easy to obtain for an 11 year old and obviously he is going to experiment with all manners of things sexual over the next ten years or so. My problem, which is probably also obvious, is that I am concerned about these images (and moreso their context) informing what I'm fairly certain are his very early forays into masturbation. While he is well-educated about women's issues and I'm sure will display a good understanding of the problems of prostitution and the commodification of women when we talk about it, the subconscious mind is a powerful thing, and this is not imagery that I'm comfortable seeing imprinted onto his sexual development.

To complicate matters, we've spent the last few months ensuring that our home ceases to receive any magazines, catalogues or advertisements that we feel will encourage an unhealthy body image in our eight year old daughter, who seems all too eager to meet others expectations at the expense of her own individuality, so he doesn't have any of the classic standbys such as the Victoria's Secret catalogue, or mislabelled issues of Cosmo or whatever. (Which I tend to think would be the lesser of the evils.)

I think that a direct recommendation of what amounts to masturbation fodder from any of his parents would leave him feeling embarrassed and possibly create discomfort with or shame about his sexuality (particuarly following a discussion about women as a commodity), so I'm asking the Shakesville community for some advice on how to allow my son to explore his burgeoning sexuality in a more positive way, without compromising my daughter in the process. Can anyone offer me some advice on how to subtly guide him towards some more positive imagery? (Advice on the talk about the advertisements would not go unwanted, either, though I have a much better idea of how to address that issue, you lot often think of things that I haven't, as well.)

In the interest of protecting my son's privacy, I've asked Melissa to keep my identity anonymous. I ask that if any of you here recognize me or my son in these details, that you respect his privacy as well, and keep it to yourself.

Thanks, A Shaker