Film Corner!

Today's selection is Remember Me. Or, as I like to call it, The Emo Prince and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Existential Crisis.

Emo Prince (aka Robert Pattinson) in pictured on elevated train, looking mardy. He says in voiceover: "Gandhi said that whatever you do in life will be insignificant." Emo Prince sees street fight and jumps in to help victim. "But it's very important that you do it." Emo Prince and his friend are getting arrested and a girl says, "Officer, those two were just trying to stop it." Grumpy Cop (aka Chris Cooper) says, "Go home!" Emo Prince says, "Hey!" and grabs at Grumpy Cop for some undiscernible reason, and Grumpy Cop throws Emo Prince to the pavement. Fascist! Emo Prince says in voiceover: "I tend to agree with the first part." Emo Prince is tres emo.

Emo Prince is bailed out of jail by his dad, Pompous Suit Guy (aka Pierce Brosnan). Pompous Suit Guy says in raspy New York (?) accent: "You could do worse than to have a father who bails you outta jail." Emo Prince says, "I don't want to be bailed out of anything!" Emo Prince turns to leave. Emo Prince is tres emo.

Emo Prince is in the park with his little sister, as emo guitar music begins to play. The Emo Princess says: "Why do you think Dad doesn't want to spend time with me?" Pompous Suit Guy says, "She knows I'll take care of her. That's all there is, Tyler." Emo Prince says, "That's all there is? Not enough!" Emo Prince turns to leave. Emo Prince is tres emo.

Text onscreen: "He broke the rules."

Emo Prince is in the corporate waiting room of Pompous Suit Guy, Inc. Receptionist Lady tells him, "You know you can't smoke in here." Emo Prince gestures to a square glass bowl. "Why, why do you have an ashtray?" Receptionist Lady tells him, "It's a bowl! It completes the room!" Emo Prince stubs out his cigarette in the bowl. Emo Prince says, "I guess it was just here to tease me." Emo Prince pats the bowl and turns to leave. Emo Prince is tres emo.

Text onscreen: "He had lost his way."

Emo Prince stares out a dirty window. (No, I am not shitting you.) Comic Relief Pal says, "You've been a ghost the past couple of weeks. You don't want to go out anymore. I've had enough of this introvert stuff, okay?! I'm ready to set up an intervention here!" Emo Prince snort-laughs.

Text onscreen: "Until the moment."

Manic Pixie Dream Girl (aka Emilie de Ravin) gets out of a truck. "He has got A DAUGHTER!" declares Comic Relief Pal. "Who's got a daughter?" asks Emo Prince, not even looking up from his journal in which he's writing on his bed. (No, I am not shitting you.) "The cop that busted your face all up!" explains Comic Relief Pal, as we see images of Manic Pixie Dream Girl and Grumpy Cop at home, all domestic and shit. "He's got a daughter." Cut to Emo Prince and Comic Relief Pal checking out Manic Pixie Dream Girl on campus. "I know her, " says Emo Prince. "She's in my global politics class." Comic Relief Pal tells Emo Prince, "Go get 'er!" Emo Prince walks toward her table; cut to Manic Pixie Dream Girl telling him, "I don't date sociology majors." Emo Prince says, "Lucky for you, I'm, I'm undecided." Manic Pixie Dream Girl asks, incredibly, "About what?" despite the fact she just mentioned majors. Emo Prince replies, "Everything." Manic Pixie Dream Girl licks her lips and grins. (No, I am not shitting you.)

Text onscreen: "He let someone in."

Emo Prince and Manic Pixie Dream Girl are in a restaurant. Manic Pixie Dream Girl asks the server, "What desserts do you have?" Emo Prince looks all emo. Manic Pixie Dream Girl explains, "I have my dessert first." OMG, you guys, that is so Manic Pixie Dream Girl!

Back at Emo Prince's shitty apartment, Manic Pixie Dream Girl does some vague cute thing and Emo Prince smiles. He pulls out something covered by a lampshade for her. "What is that?" asks Manic Pixie Dream Girl. "This," says Emo Prince, pulling off the lampshade to reveal a cake with "In case of Asteroids" written on it in icing, "is our appetizer." Manic Pixie Dream Girl looks swoonful. Cut to Comic Relief Pal commenting, "That's why chicks dig you, man. They love this freaky, poetic crap." Oh, Comic Relief Pal! What an unsentimental card you are!

Pompous Suit Guy is told, "Charles, it's your son," and he puts him on speaker. Emo Prince, on the other end of the phone, says, "Yeah, I was wondering if you want to have dinner." Pompous Suit Guy asks, "How many?" Emo Prince, staring at Manic Pixie Dream Girl looking all manically pixie-ish in an apartment window totes not noticing Emo Prince staring up at her, replies, "Three." Cut to the restaurant where Emo Prince and Manic Pixie Dream Girl are at an otherwise empty table. "He can stand me up, but he can't stand you up," says Emo Prince.

One gets the impression Pompous Suit Guy may have stood them both up, as the next scene is of Emo Prince throwing a huge metal canister through a window.

Cut to Pompous Suit Guy shouting, "You've gotta take care of NOTHING! You're responsible for NO ONE! You're a kid!" Emo Prince looks emo.

Text onscreen: "Summit Entertainment Presents."

Manic Pixie Dream Girl tells Grumpy Cop, "I'm going out." Grumpy Cop asks her who's she going out with. Manic Pixie Dream Girl tells him, "A boy from school." Cut to Emo Prince in their house, and Grumpy Cop telling him he's kinda lost. Emo Prince says (I shit you not), "You think you know me. You don't." Grumpy Cop runs at him and pins him to the wall. Cut to Manic Pixie Dream Girl telling Emo Prince, "My dad doesn't know what's going on right now." Emo Prince asks, "What's going on right now?"

Various scenes of kissing, doors slamming, Emo Prince riding a bike, Emo Prince blowing out candles on a cake saying "22," close-ups of Emo Prince, Manic Pixie Dream Girl, Grumpy Cop, and Pompous Suit Guy, more making out, and Emo Prince (I shit you not) making a hand butterfly in the sunshine.

Emo Prince says in voiceover: "Someone's been trying to tell me something. Make her yours forever. I'm working on the forever part."

Text onscreen: "Remember Me. Coming Soon."