Jesus Makes Another Fabulous Appearance

[Content Note: Image of bruise below.]

Sure, Jesus could play the Palladium, as they say, but why lower himself to such a gauche public venue when he can book the very exclusive engagement of a bruise on some lady's arm?


"The Lord works in mysterious ways." I'll say!

Male Anchor: A South Florida woman says she went to the doctor and came home with something she says really strengthens her faith.

Female Anchor: Mary Massa had a routine blood test, and after two needle sticks, she says, the bruise in [sic] her arm looks like the face of Jesus Christ. [Male anchor laughs.] Take a look at that—you be the judge. Pictures of that bruise are now posted throughout the doctor's office.

Male Anchor: Mary is a Christian—surprise—who's [female anchor laughs] so devout she has pictures of Jesus already hanging at home, and she once shook hands with the Pope.

Female Anchor: Now, in her defense, Mary did not want to say anything about it [Edit and note from Liss: This is not literal; it's that Mary didn't want to make a big deal out of it. But in the video, there is a clip of Mary, being happily interviewed, and showing where the bruise was and showing pictures of it.]; it was the people at the doctor's office who were so convinced it looked like Jesus Christ. I have to say, I can kinda see a face in that bruise. Could you see it?

Male Anchor: You can always see something in there! But—

Female Anchor: Yeah.

Male Anchor: —there's so many things out there. Potato chips and waffles and—

Female Anchor: Maybe it's a New Year's miracle!

Male Anchor: I, you know, you can see something there. I didn't mean to make fun, but—

[Holy folks Gone Wild: Weeping and bleeding and appearing in Cheetos, more Cheetos, pretzels, fire and on pancakes, baking sheets, pizza pans, doggy doors, ice, peanuts, x-rays, turtles, ultrasounds, chocolate, dying plants, sheet metal, trees, more trees, more trees, more trees, more trees, more trees, wardrobes, water stains, plates of pasta, drywall, fish, grilled cheese sandwiches, potato chips, a bathroom door, and a banana.]