Adorable Marriage Advice from the State of Utah

The State of Utah is very interested in marriage. Mostly, they're interested in making sure the sacred institution totes created by God after creating Eve from Adam's rib wiener remains an exclusive club for M4W and W4M only. (And the occasional M4WWWWW.*) But that's not all! They're also interested in helping the Almighty-favored opposite-sex couples whose super-special, gloriously gilded relationships have afforded them access to marriage protect that shimmering, golden glow of specialness forever by offering some hottt marriage advice! Woot!

Pop Quiz: Is Utah's advice to married couples…?

A. Find someone with whom you can totally be yourself and retain your individualism, while simultaneously approaching your life with a spirit of generosity and compromise, so that you may be autonomous but complementary equals in a lifetime partnership that fulfills you both.

B. Leave your individualism at the door, keep nothing of or for yourself, and wave goodbye to independence of any description, because you are part of the marriage borg now, bitchez!

If you guessed B, give yourself 1,000 points!

[Click images to embiggen.]
On the left: ME. With a dotted line around the M. Followed by the instructions: "How to build a lasting relationship: 1. Cut on dotted line. 2. Rotate 180 degrees." On the right: MINE YOURS. With a dotted line around the MINE Y. Followed by the instructions: "How to ensure a more successful marriage: 1. Select a sharp #2 pencil. 2. Fill in box completely."

In case you've missed the clever joke there, the point is to turn "Me" into "We" and "Mine Yours" into "Ours."

Now, on the one hand, I appreciate that the intended messages are about not being selfish and about fully committing. But, on the other hand, that's not really what the messages are explicitly communicating—and what they are explicitly communicating plays into some very dangerous narratives that have traditionally been used against women to deny them equality and autonomy within opposite-sex marriage. And there are still plenty of people who regard a woman's disinterest in taking her husband's surname, or retaining her own bank account, or fates forfend anything totally zany like taking a solitary (or girls') vacation or maintaining a separate residence, as selfish. As not being fully committed. As being A Bad Wife.

"Me" in a marriage is not a bad thing. "My" in a marriage is not a bad thing.

After all, you ostensibly marry someone because you love the person they are, not because you want that person to disappear in service to a legal contract.

There is a way to communicate working together on and being totally committed to a marriage without suggesting that either partner's individual personhood, or both, has to be subsumed by the relationship.

In fact, the bottom of the posters read: "If you want a stronger marriage, work on it together." Which is actually not bad advice at all. And it is certainly very different advice than "there is no more me, only we." More different still is the very last line, in the tiniest text: "For tips, marriage class incentives, and resources in your area that can improve the health of any relationship, visit our website."

Any relationship, you say?! Well, fancy that! It's almost like a marriage between two people of opposite sexes isn't actually a special snowflake after all! And that working on a relationship together is good advice for any relationship! Between any people! Of any sex! Wow!

So…why is this a poster about marriage again?

Oh, right. Because Utah is interested in protecting marriage. From Teh Gayz. From whom marriage in Utah is under grave threat. Which is totes why they have an above-average divorce rate. Because of Teh Gayz.

[H/T to Copyranter.]

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* Not a dig at polyamory. That's a comment on the deeply misogynist and sexually abusive polygamy which is associated with certain sects in Utah.