My Book Report

My book report is on "The Bear and the Dragon", by a man named Tom Clancy. I thought it would be a story about a bear and a dragon, and maybe how they became friends and had adventures and stuff, but it totally wasn't.

Instead it's about how this guy named John Ryan (but who people call Jack, it's kinda weird) who is totally not the author or anything becomes Partisan of America and lives in the White House, and how he goes around solving everyone's problems like Superman does or something, and he always keeps saying how he's so ordinary and normal.

And in it there's this guy who almost gets killed by a rocket, but it hits this other guy by mistake, and then they do this murder CSI thing for a lot of pages, and it turns out the guys who killed the wrong guy got killed, and then they found out that it was spies from China who made the Russian guy try to kill the other guy (this was all in Moscow or something).

Anyway, then a bunch of other stuff happens, and then...this takes too long. I'ma just, like, write it out in short words, okay?

America good! Communism bad. Socialism very bad. Men like guns! Women like cooking! Strong manly men good! Weak women bad, except for sex! Sex good! Whores bad! Mommies good! Babies very good! Abortion bad. Both religions good: Baptists and Catholics! Other religions bad and wrong.

Taiwan good! Hong Kong sorta good! China bad. Chinese people different! Talk different! Look different! Different bad! Atheism very very bad. Can cause feminism. Feminists go to hell! HELL!

Black people live in America! They are pastors and army guys and football players! See their dignity? See their very white teeth? Black women also exist! They are wives, and sometimes mommies.

Later, lying diplomats bad. Uncouth jackass good! Guns in China bad. Guns in America good! Gun-haters bad. Gun-lovers good! Liberals bad. Newspapers bad, except when good.

China small penis! America big one! Show it to you! Bow to big American penis! BOW! Not bowing makes you Hitler!

Also, some wars and junk, and then it finishes with Superman making the earth spin around backwards or something, I don't know, I got bored and put it down.

Is that enough words yet? I hate these stupid reports.

Oh, and there were NO bears or dragons, except this one guy kept, like, shooting bears, and we're supposed to think he's awesome cause he did it with this old rifle from, like, a hundred miles away or something. As if.

English class sucks.