Vajazzling.
Vajazzling, about which Jennifer Love Hewitt evidently dedicates an entire chapter in her forthcoming book, entails "bedazzling your lady parts with stick-on Swarovski crystals." One intrepid blogger got vajazzled (for SCIENCE!) and the (NSFW-ish) results are here.
The portmanteau, if you haven't already discerned its sparkly etymology, comes from the mash-up of "vagina" (or her hipper cousin, "vajayjay") and "bedazzling." You remember the Bedazzler, don't you? "Don't be dull—be dazzling!"
Come on, ladies—you don't want dull ladybits, do you?!
As nearly everything else related to the typical female anatomy between the legs, the reference to the vagina is a misnomer—and thank Maude for that, because, apart from being the orificular equivalent of Willy Wonka's Tunnel, a jewel-encrusted vagina doesn't sound particular comfy or safe for anyone involved.
It's actually the pubic area that gets vajazzled, which is, let's face is, only a dubious improvement. "Scraping! Loose crystals! In your teeth! Stuck to a condom! Even…Maude help me…getting shoved up into your vulva and vagina!" exclaims BeckySharper. "What a phenomenally bad idea!"
Indeed so. But what a delightful treat for the gynecologist who treats your ensuing infection when zie peers beyond your labia and finds a glimmering geode.
[H/T to Shaker Kevin Baker, via email.]
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