Why I'm Still Single

by Shaker L

It was our fourth (or maybe fourth-and-a-half) date and we have plans for dinner and gawking at people in L.A. pretending to be cowboys. We always had fun and I expected tonight to be no exception. Except... a pattern had emerged where I felt a little sexually bullied. Not powerfully aggressed on, just a little invisible. As if his approach to increasing intimacy was it's-better-to-ask-for-forgiveness-than-permission.

Suffice to say, I didn't like it.

So we got in the car but, before we took off, I told him, in the nicest possible way (really), that I felt bullied and a little invisible sometimes. I asked him to be more gentle and to check in with me a bit more. I bookended the request with how much fun I was having with him and how I was pleasantly surprised as to how much I liked him and all that good stuff.

Now, how might a well-adjusted, emotionally-mature man who is genuinely interested in me respond?

Yeah, that's not what he did.

He told me that no one had ever expressed such a sentiment to him before and that he was a super gentle guy and would never do anything violent to any woman. Then he said that he never felt like he was aggressing on me in any way. "But if you feel that way, well I guess that's how you feel." He asked me if I could give him an example, so I did. And he said that that was not how he remembered it, "but I guess if that's how you remember it, then that's how you remember it."

Um, so far no good dude.

But even so! I responded reassuringly (even as I noted that he had turned the tables such that I had to respond reassuringly to him when I was the one feeling threatened) and reiterated that I liked him and was telling him these things exactly because I wanted to go forward blah blah blah.

And then he broke up with me!

First he said that he didn't think things were going to work out anyway because I was going on a trip for 10 days. At which I made a confused face and he explained that I'd probably want to do whatever I wanted to do on that trip and, not that we were serious or monogamous or anything, but...

And I made a confused face again.

So then he said that it probably sounded like he was breaking up with me because I wasn't on the fast track to sex (no, not at all!) and that that wasn't the case (even though we were, literally, at the precipe of a date).

Instead, he said, there were just some dealbreakers (that he hadn't bothered to bring up till now). And I said, "oh, ok" (and at this point I'm just plain amused), "um, do you want to run them by me just to be sure or no?" So then he says, well I have this picture of Jesus in my car (which is true) and, you know...

And so I said, "okay so you're religious?" and he was like "yeah... blah blah blah" and also Jesus is white in this picture and I'm sure you're thinking "shouldn't Jesus be dark-skinned because it was the Mediterranean" and stuff...

And I made a really confused face.

Because how could he have known that the misrepresentation of Christ is the reason I have to break up with every guy I ever meet! Curse be oh those gazillion images that ensure my singlehood just because they exist!

Yeah, so then I got out of the car, went home, called my friends, laughed, and went out to see a band.