[Paraphrase below.]
I know this is a kids' movie, but this is the kind of movie I hated even when I was a kid. The kind of movie where nothing makes sense, and a bunch of stupid things happen that would never happen ever. I loved (and love still) movies about animals, but not anthropomorphized animals who are smarter than the main human protagonist.
The ten-year-old me would argue: Either it is a real movie with real people and animals doing generally realistic things, or it is a fantasy movie, in which case I do want a fantastical and imaginative metaphorical story, and I do not want some boring-ass, uncoded, moralistic tale about urban sprawl which is a real problem that deserves better than Brendan Fraser getting covered in poop in an upturned port-o-potty.
If someone had given me a copy of this movie when I was a kid, I would have beat it into a thousand pieces with my copy of The Black Stallion. Is what I'm saying.
I'm sorry, Children of Today. You deserve better.
Paraphrase: Evil businesspeople played by Ken Jeong (an Asian man) and Angela Kinsey (a white woman) are plotting on an airplane to turn the beautiful green hills of Rocky Springs into a shopping mall "with a forest theme." Cut to a squirrel out of fucking nowhere, screaming. Brendan Fraser (white man) is dubious, but apparently stupid, so he goes home and tells his family this is a great environmental project. His son and wife (Brooke Shields) react like you would to someone with a case of the stupids who's trying to convince you that deforestation to build a forest-themed mall is a good idea.
The raccoon peering in the window, and the mouse watching through a telescope also believe he is a real dingaling, and they would know, since they are obviously very smart and speak English.
And they must read English, too, otherwise it wouldn't make any sense that they know how to build elaborate Rube Goldberg machines out of twigs and stones. "MIley Cyrus!" screams Brendan Fraser, as a giant boulder launches into the path of his SUV, because he apparently doesn't understand that is the name of a person, not a curse word used by human adults.
Oh, how the mouse laughs and laughs when the SUV comes to a screeching halt, only for the airbag to deploy and make Brendan Fraser spill hot coffee in his own face! Brendon Fraser should have remembered that old adage: Mess with nature, you get hot coffee in your face—and water in your crotch! Which is what happens next when he tries to turn a sprinkler onto the raccoon. He should have heeded that old chestnut: A raccoon will not soon be wet when there are sight gags involving crotch disruption to be had!
That's a real saying, I'm sure.
Zaniness ensues as the raccoon unplugs Fraser's treadmill, sending him flying into his flat-screen teevee! And then the raccoon conspires to keep Fraser awake at night—with noises! And skunks—ha ha I don't even have to TELL you what they do, do I? STINKOLA! HA HA HA! Then the raccoon sabotages his milk when he's eating breakfast outside like people totally do! And then it hotwires his car, which raccoons are known for almost as much as eating garbage.
Brendan Fraser, suddenly smart, suspects the animals are in cahoots and plotting against him. Birds poop near him and on that horrible businesslady. Otters and other woodland creatures ruin things! A bear pushes Fraser over in a port-o-potty! Which somehow ends up in a tree! Like you would totally expect using your ability to predict things.
Brendan Fraser says to a raccoon, near some other raccoons, "You have a family. All this time, you were protecting them." That looks like the ending. Good, now no one has to see this movie.
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