Film Corner!

Below is the trailer for the new film Easy A. Which looks GREAT. Just great. It's about an unpopular girl who does this awesome favor for the bullied gay dudes in her school by fake-fucking them at parties, only to discover that everyone totes hates SLUTS as much as they hate QUEERS. Except for the hot and popular dude who's secretly on to her, and if she'll totes make out with him, he won't spill her secret—which is definitely not coercion and is quite obviously romantic, because he is cute. And other things happen, too. I can't tell how it ends from the trailer, but I SURE THINK IT WOULD BE SWELL if everyone learned a lesson about Being Yourself and Not Judging Other People—and also super if that bitchy blond girl got horribly humiliated, preferably by getting dumped very publicly and/or having something spilled on her.


[Transcript below.]
As always, I am not discussing the film per se; I'm discussing the trailer, and what I perceive the film to be based on how it is being represented by its own marketing.

[Via Gabe.]

White Redheaded Teenage Girl (speaking directly to camera): Let me just begin by saying that there are two sides to every story, and this is my side. The right one.

[Wacky music begins; cut to ax exterior shot of "Ojai North High School: A California Distinguished School," followed by a shot of lockers, followed by a scene of White Redheaded Teenage Girl getting knocked over and her books spilling, to indicate she is a TOTES NERD, even though she conforms totally to the Beauty Standard and there is nothing remotely nerdy about her.]

White Redheaded Teenage Girl (in voiceover): I used to be anonymous, nothing, non-entity.

White Blond Teenage Girl: Olive—that's your name, right?

White Redheaded Teenage Girl: Yeah, uh, we've had nine classes together since kindergarten.

White Blond Teenage Girl: Mmm.

White Redheaded Teenage Girl (to camera): So here it is—Part One.

[Wacky music escalates; cut to White Teenage Dude #1 pulling up to a house on a scooter, then cut to White Teenage Dude #1 talking to White Redheaded Teenage Girl in her bedroom.]

White Redheaded Teenage Girl: Brandon, just a couple of hours ago you told me you were gay.

White Teenage Dude #1: You said I should pretend to be straight, so—

White Redheaded Teenage Girl: I didn't mean with me!

[Cut to White Redheaded Teenage Girl seeing Brandon at school with a bloody nose; cut back to conversation in bedroom.]

White Teenage Dude #1: I am tormented every day at school. Just one good imaginary fling.

White Redheaded Teenage Girl (to camera): Which brings us to Part Two.

[Cut to White Redheaded Teenage Girl and White Teenage Dude #1 strolling into a house party arm in arm; everyone looks SO CONFUSED!]

White Teenage Dude #2: Is that Olive…with Brandon?!

[Cut to White Redheaded Teenage Girl and White Teenage Dude #1 going into a bedroom and shutting the door; they sit on the bed.]

White Redheaded Teenage Girl: Now grunt—and make it convincing. [White Teenage Dude #1 grunts and makes a funny face. Cut to them jumping on the bed and screaming. Cut to White Redheaded Teenage Girl grabbing White Teenage Dude #1's shoulders and looking into his face gravely.] You ready for the grand finale?

White Teenage Dude #1: Yeah. What? [White Redheaded Teenage Girl punches him in the genitals.] AHHHHHHH!

[Cut to a bunch of teenagers congregated outside the bedroom door, listening.]

White Redheaded Teenage Girl: YEAHHHHHH!

White Teenage Dude #1: Thank you. [He opens the bedroom door, revealing the surprised faces of their classmates.] WHAAAAZUUUUUP?!

[The dudes cheer and high-five him. Cut to White Redheaded Teenage Girl walking alone at school; everyone is looking at her.]

White Redheaded Teenage Girl: I always thought that pretending to lose my virginity would be a little more special. (to camera) Judy Blume should have prepared me for that.

[Cut to White Redheaded Teenage Girl in gym clothes; White Teenage Dude #3 approaches her.]

White Teenage Dude #3: Brandon told me what you did for him. [White Redheaded Teenage Girl purrs like a lioness.] No—he told me the truth. I was just hoping that maybe you could do the same for me.

[Cut to montage of apparently gay teen dudes looking at White Redheaded Teenage Girl hopefully.]

White Redheaded Teenage Girl: So, whether I liked it or not, I was open for business. [Cut to her holding up a coupon while talking to Brown-Skinned Teenage Dude #1.] Twenty percent off to Bath and Body Works. Is that how much our imaginary tryst meant to you? I fake-rocked your world.

[Cut to White Blond Teenage Girl sitting in a prayer circle with other mostly-white teens.]

White Blond Teenage Girl: We need to pray for her. But—we also need to pray to get her the hell outta here.

Other Mostly-White Teens (in unison): Amen!

[Cut to students protesting (?) her (?) with signs reading "Trash" and "Expel Olive" and "Jezebel," etc.]

White Redheaded Teenage Girl: On Monday, things took a turn for the scandalous.

White Teenage Dude #HotandPopular: Screw all these people, Olive.

[Olive looks blushy. Cut to the interior of a classroom, followed by a montage of scenes from an old film version of The Scarlet Letter.]

White Redheaded Teenage Girl: Ironically [editor's note: this is not irony.] we were studying The Scarlet Letter. This girl named Hester Prynne has an affair with a minister, is besmirched, and made to wear a red "A" for adulterer.

Brown-Skinned Teenage Girl #1: Perhaps you should embroider a red "A" on your wardrobe.

White Redheaded Teenage Girl (to camera): I'm not proud of this.

[Cut to White Redheaded Teenage Girl strutting down the hall at school wearing dark sunglasses and a red letter "A" on her sexy black outfit, as "Poker Face" begins to play. The sea of students part to watch her walk by. Cut to White Redheaded Teenage Girl at home with her parents.]

Mom: No judgment, but you kind of look like a stripper.

White Redheaded Teenage Girl: Mom!

Dad: A high-end stripper. [Mom gestures agreement.] For governors or athletes.

[Cut to White Redheaded Teenage Girl standing alone in gym clothes. Cut to two random people (teachers?) having a conversation in a classroom.]

White Blond Woman: Is she the one everyone's talking about?

White Blond Man: Yes.

[Cut to White Redheaded Teenage Girl and White Teenage Dude #HotandPopular pulling up to the curb outside her (?) house in a car he is driving.]

White Teenage Dude #HotandPopular: I know exactly what you're doing. If I promise not to tell anyone, could I kiss you right now?

[White Redheaded Teenage Girl smiles and laughs. Cut to montage of random one-second scenes from the movie of White Redheaded Teenage Girl interacting with various characters. Cut to White Redheaded Teenage Girl talking with her mom.]

Mom: I had a similar situation when I was your age. I had a horrible reputation.

White Redheaded Teenage Girl: Why?

Mom: Because I slept with a whole bunch of people. [White Redheaded Teenage Girl looks consternated.] Mostly guys!

White Redheaded Teenage Girl: Mom!

Text Onscreen: EASY A.

White Blond Teenage Girl: There's a higher power that will judge you for your indecency.

White Redheaded Teenage Girl: Tom Cruise?

Text Onscreen: LetsNotAndSayWeDid.com.