Just. No.

[Spoiler warning for The Orphan. Trigger warning for sexual assault.]

So, last night, me and my broheim Jake wasted two hours of our time on this precious earth sitting in my room watching the 2009 megahit The Orphan, which, you may recall from Liss' post when it came out, is a trainwreck.

To summarize: The film is about a couple who adopt an orphan, a young girl who turns out to be a scary tormentor to her adopted siblings and mother, as well as a scary seductress who wants to revenge-murder her adopted father when he won't "sleep with" her. In the end, it is revealed that she is a 33-year-old woman with dwarfism who escaped from an Eastern European mental institution and poses as a precocious young lady in order to try to have sex with dads. For real. She's got a scrapbook of dads she's tried to fuck? has fucked? and everything.

Now, here's the thing: Basically, you spend half the movie thinking "OMG this little girl is sexually propositioning an adult man," but then there's a big reversal at the end of the film revealing she's an adult—which I guess? is supposed to make you feel better about the sexualization of a child, except then you remember the character is being portrayed by an actual child. Ugh.

I don't even know how to verbalize my rage about this movie.

What I just can't understand is how the heck a project that is basically the answer to the never-asked question "What if we made a film that's like a fantasy for men who want to be child-rapists and the only thing holding them back is the lack of people with dwarfism posing as children?" gets greenlighted in the first place.

You know, I complain a lot about Hollywood not having any original ideas, but if this is the sort of thing we can expect if they stop churning out remakes and sequels, maybe I could learn to love Beverly Hills Cop 12.