It's Prophesied, Bitchez

[Trigger warning for violent religious imagery, misogyny, and other objectionable stupidity.]

Hey! Remember our old friend William Tapley, aka the Third Eagle of the Apocalypse…? Sure you do! He was the kindly gentleman who informed all of us slutty naughtybitsies who use contraceptives that we won't be raptured—and thank Maude for his warning, because heaven knows I want nothing more than to spend ETERNITY with the likes of William Tapley.

Anyhoo, the Third Eagle is back! And this time with a song called "It's Prophesied (End Times Anthem)," which combines my two favorite musical features: Content about religion and parenthetical titles. What I like, ahem, most about this song is the glee with which Pappy Tapley sings its hideous lyrics. Enjoy!

Tapley, an older white man with a white beard stands at a keyboard next to a river, playing terrible music on what sounds like the organ setting, accompanied by a bosanova beat or some shit. Titles scroll by: "REVELATION UNRAVELED. William Tapley: Third Eagle of the Apocalypse. "It's Prophesied."

Tapley then begins to sing; the lyrics are subtitled across the bottom of the screen:

Your future's coming fast, my friend / You know we're nearly at the end / Your freedom's gone / Your friends are gone / But when I'm raptured / I'll be gone / It's prophesied, it's prophesied / You can run but you can't hide / Some will live, some will die / A few will go to meet His bride.

Tribulation will arrive / By Armageddon, few survive / You must get oil and trim your lamps / 'Cause you won't get a second chance/ It's prophesied, it's prophesied / When those four horsemen start their ride / There's pain and death on every side / When those four horsemen start their ride.

When Enoch and Elijah preach / Seven thunders fill their speech / They will call fire down from the sky / Until the people watch them die / It's prophesied, it's prophesied / Jerusalem is where they'll die / They'll do their best to save us all / But very few will hear their call.

America is Babylon / And her story's almost done / She rides a beast / The beast is sore / And now that beast / Will burn that whore / It's prophesied, it's prophesied / When Babylon the Whore gets fried / The merchants weep / The merchants cry / When Babylon the Whore gets fried.

Obama is beast number three / A leopard which comes from the sea / He's got four heads / He's got four wings / The Bible calls him the "leopard-king" / It's prophesied, it's prophesied / Obama's on the losing side / He'll start a war that he can't win / Obama is the "leopard-king."

The Antichrist is not your friend / The mark you take will mean your end / Yes, you can buy / And you will sell / But then your soul / Will burn in hell / It's prophesied, it's prophesied / You can run, but you can't hide / Some will live / Much more will die / A few will go to Paradise.


"The End."

[Via Gabe.]