Yes, He Has No Bamas

Elena Kagan is:

a) a woman

b) Jewish

c) a person who has had a very accomplished, very mainstream legal career

Nevertheless, Frank Gaffney believes , or purports to, that she is a one-man secret radical Islamist sleeper cell (she must be a man, 'cause she wears turbans), plotting to impose Shariah law on the U.S. And the Washington Times wants you to believe it, too.

Why? It's generally accepted that Kagan's nomination to the Supreme Court will shortly be confirmed by the Senate. Neither Gaffney nor the W. Times can stop it now.

But, damnit, people, Breitbart can't take apart the Obama administration one employee at a time all by himself! Ok, he does have Obama's help, and that of a number of other administration officials. But it's a big government. In order to keep those dominoes falling at the necessary pace, the "Be Afraid! Obama and His Band of Secret Muslim Terrorists are coming to get you!" drumbeat has to keep going at a feverish pace.

As has been clearly established, the stories don't have to be true, they just have to be scary. Black racist, communist, Nazi, Muslim terrorist Shariah-imposers are after you! And your money! And you wimminfolk! As long as the purveyors of this crap keep the pace of the scary up, the Obama administration will apparently keep firing people to look less scary to the people who believe these things.

And the President's plan is working great. See the 2nd comment, left by the oh-so-clever-wordsmith "Klimax", to Gaffney's second W. Times column on the subject.

NObama has already put one member sympathetic to the Hispanic cause on the Supreme Court and now he is trying to sneak in someone who is in line with the Islamic cause !! The scary thing is it is a lifetime appointment and both woman (sic) have a long way to go !! Nobama is trying to set things up so he can influence the courts decisions after he is out of office and it would not surprise me to see NObama try and change the term limits of the Presidential office to something like 5 terms even though he will be gone in 2012 !!!!!

Did you follow this commenter's logic carefully? OK, trick question — there isn't any. NObama (see what the clever one did there? That play on Obama's name, which drolly insinuates that, uh, . . . that our President doesn't have a bama! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!)

Also, President No-Bamas-Here is going to sneakily try to change the law so presidents can serve five terms, even though he himself will not be taking advantage of that! Just 'cause he can!

And President Totes-Bama-Less is doing something even more dastardly than that! He is picking Supreme Court nominees who are unlikely to drop dead immediately after he leaves office, so that he can influence the Court even when he's no longer President! Would an honorable, Bama-possessing President do such a thing? HELL, no — it's unprecedented!

His first pick was sympathetic to the Hispanic cause (I don't actually know what that is, but if you know any Hispanics, you could just casually ask them if there happens to be a cause they are interested in. Evidently there's just the one.) And now — ooh, he's a sneaky Pete, this Nary-a-Bama character — now he's picked a Jewish lawyer who is "in line with the Islamic cause!!" (Again, there is but one. They are single-minded, the enemies of our people!)

Who would ever suspect a Jewish woman of being "in line with the Islamic cause"?! I mean, besides Gaffney, and Andrew McCarthy, and the W. Times and Gaffney's astute commenter — who?!

These are the people our Bama-free president has so devoted himself to placating and even wooing. He will fire anyone he has to, carefully filter out any semblance of progressivism before he proposes legislation, let it be negotiated down from there by Republications who will then not vote for it anyway, reinsert a ban on the availability of coverage for abortion in the insurance pools being created for people with pre-existing conditions, despite the defeat of the Stupak amendment, hobnob with homophobic preachers, ignore the damage being done both to the lives of military personnel who have served honorably and to the military itself by DADT, sneer at progressives and those who insist he find at least one campaign promise he's willing to keep — and for what?

Because someday, the scales will fall from the eyes of the Gaffney's, and the Fox Newsies, and the W. Timesies and its clever commenters, yea, even from the eyes of Congressional Republicans themselves, and they will believe in the hopiness of change and the platitudes of bipartisanship!

On that great day, our nation will come together to rebuild the federal government by re-hiring everyone fired to appease a right-wing liar, thereby slashing unemployment; we'll cut taxes and abolish the deficit; CEO's will create jobs for everybody and give back their bonuses so all workers can have raises; health care and college will be free and available to all; and we will all — not just the President who brought us together into one great big goop of bipartisanity, but every last one of us, have a Bama. I'm going to name mine Klimax.