This is so the worst thing you're going to read all day.

CNN: Still single? What's the matter with you?

As ever, it's difficult to choose what my favorite part of this masterpiece is, because there are so many priceless, sparkling gems from which to choose.

In the What's Not Said category, I'll vote for the glaring omission of even a cursory mention that many women are single by choice.

In the What's Said category, I'll vote for the requisite "all women suck (and married women are even worse)" passage:

Myriad messages from sundry sources proclaim that, yes, I'm doing it all wrong. ...I feel myself beginning to cave -- who am I kidding? I can't refute this arsenal of why-I'm-dateless data. I guess they're right. It is my fault I'm still single! ... All I have to do is identify and correct the character flaw (or two or three) that repels the good ones, and then I, too, will find Mr. Right, just like all my married friends!

Which is precisely where the logic breaks down.

Think about it. If single women possess imperfections and eccentricities which prevent us from snagging a man, then such personality shortcomings would appear much less frequently in the population of happily married women, right? Sure. Ask any husband -- he'll tell you. Wives show a full range of kinks and idiosyncrasies, just like the rest of us.

Furthermore, many of my happily married girlfriends exhibit extreme versions of the very traits that supposedly stymie my success. If my neurotic nature so utterly repels the fellas, how is it my Xanax-popping neighbor has a husband, 3 children, a garage full of anti-bacterial gel to pacify her OCD? If I'm so horribly controlling, how did my bossy, domineering sorority sister badger her man down the aisle before the age of 24?

Wow.