The GOP's Contract with Pledge to America

Oh dear.

The intellectually moribund collection of miscreants, malcontents, and dingalings known as the Republican Party plans to unveil its "Pledge to America" today (the full text of which is viewable below). It's 21 pages of the most dreary, unoriginal claptrap you'll ever read, as uninspired as it is uninspiring.

"The need for urgent action to repair our economy and reclaim our government for the people cannot be overstated. With this document, we pledge to dedicate ourselves to the task of reconnecting our highest aspirations to the permanent truths of our founding by keeping faith with the values our nation was founded on, the principles we stand for, and the priorities of our people. This is our Pledge to America."

That is some grim shit, right there. It doesn't even have the capacity to infuriate me, because I'm using all my energy just trying to stay awake.

This is '94's "Contract with America" all over again. Except, inconceivably, even less visionary. The GOP Platform: Now with a strong whiff of mothballs!

The only thing more pathetic than the "Pledge to America" would be if America actually buys into this hot mess, considering that following the "Contract with America," which promised (among other things) fiscal responsibility, personal responsibility, and the restoration of the "American Dream," the Republicans shut down the government, commenced a witchhunt against a sitting president for a private sex act, went on a wild spending spree, cut taxes while launching two wars of choice, racked up ethics violations like they were going out of style, had so many representatives and senators in prison or under investigation that a Republican strategist lamented that the GOP was viewed as "a bunch of buffoons who have total disregard for the principles of the party, the law of the land and the future of the country," and oversaw a complete collapse of the economy, with skyrocketing rates of hunger, homelessness, job loss, bankruptcy, and foreclosure.

The only pledge to this nation the Republicans ought to be making is a promise to sit down, shut the fuck up, stop being obstructionist wankers, and let someone else give it a real go for awhile, because the GOP obviously has no new ideas.

And we all know their old ideas don't fucking work.