Liss: [sends picture of Dudley lying on the couch on his back, legs akimbo]
Deeky: LOL! THAT DOG IS SUCH A KNUCKLEHEAD!
Liss: LOLOLOLOLOLOL! He's so the perfect dog for me, lol.
Deeky: No doy. P.S. Taking the trash out, in the rain, in your boxers, is not fun.
Liss: Why did you do that?!
Deeky: Because I didn't feel like putting on pants.
Liss: LOL 4 realz big time. We totes have to watch the Top Chef finale together live.
Deeky: Definitely! I just finished watching last week's now. So it's going to be a three-way sword fight, huh?
Liss: Dude Casserole.
Deeky: I am so not excited for this finale.
[The three sous chefs brought in are also men.]
Liss: Wow, surprise! THREE MORE DUDES!
Deeky: Now it's six dudes. They should all make sausage.
Liss: "Your first course is sausage. Your second course is wieners. Your third course is meatballs. Your final course must be a dessert—spotted dick!"
Deeky: LOL! TOTES. Sausage fest.
Liss: "Let's get ready to cock! I mean COOK. I definitely meant COOK."
Deeky: LOLOLOL! Oh, dear. Angelo is very sick. Poor Angelo.
Liss: GET IT TOGETHER, ANGELO! YOU HAVE A DICK-MEASURING CONTEST TO ATTEND! ARE WE SUPPOSED TO HAVE THIS DICK-MEASURING CONTEST WITH ONLY FIVE DICKS?!
Deeky: LOLOLOLOLOLOL! Vivomart? No Whole Foods in Singapore?
Liss: I know. It might as well be named VULVAMART.
[Angelo gets a shot in the buttocks from a doctor.]
Deeky: Angelo is getting it in the butt!
Liss: This episode should just be called "That's What He Said. Plus WIENERS!"
Deeky: Quick question: Is vacuuming the closet the gayest thing I'll do today?
Liss: No, watching Angelo get shot in the rear is the gayest thing you'll do today.
Deeky: LOL!
Liss: Would you want to eat something prepared by someone with Montezuma's Revenge? Or whatever it's called there. The Singapore Squirts.
Deeky: LOLz for real @ Singapore Squirts. No. Fuck no. Unless he used anti-bacterial Hamburger Helper.
Liss: Eww.
Deeky: :"Ed and I were pushing like animals."
Liss: THAT'S WHAT HE SAID!
Deeky: "It takes a lot of balls to make a veggie turine."
Liss: THAT'S WHAT HE SAID!
Deeky: Is this shit over yet?
Liss: This is soooooooooooooo boring.
Deeky: I know. Who gives a shit about these jokers?
Liss: Fucking NO ONE, that's who. BRING BACK TIFFANY!
Deeky: For serious. Worst. Season. Ever.
Liss: "I'll take yours. Bring it on."
Deeky: THAT'S WHAT HE SAID.
Liss: I so don't even care who wins.
Deeky: Me either. Wevs.
Liss: "Kevin really punched me with fruit, but I loved Angelo's diarrhea cakes!"
Deeky: Essence of colon.
Liss: "His botulism stew was DIVINE!"
Deeky: LOL!
Liss: "Personally, I'm not sure we should give the title of Top Chef to someone who gave us all ebola. Plus, his barf gelato was underseasoned."
Deeky: This show should pack its knives and go.
Liss: LOL! Oh, look—Kevin, whom no one, including the editors, even noticed until three episodes ago, just won. Yay? Congratulations, Kevin. We knew nothing about you!
Deeky: OMFG. Top Chef: Pink Donuts is on. Wevs.
Liss: OMG LOLOLOL pink donuts! I can't. Stop. Laughing.
Deeky: Where the fuck is this? L.A.?
Liss: Candyland.
Deeky: Okay, who is this rockabilly goofball?
Liss: He's Johnny Elvisface, King of Candyland.
Deeky: That clown better not bring his sideburns to Faggottown.
Liss: Ha!
Deeky: Ummm, how the fuck do you have a Quickfire BAKING contest?
Liss: LOL!
Deeky: Uh oh, someone's meringues have browned.
Liss: Nice snot cupcake, Ice Queen!
Deeky: LOL! It looked like bile.
Liss: Whoops, that's not ganache he's oozing!
Deeky: Sex or chocolate? Which would you choose?
Liss: I would choose sex with MISTER CHOCOLATE!
Deeky: This show may be worse than Top Chef: Spy Hard.
Liss: Whoops, someone stole your head and replaced it with the head of an Elvis impersonator from a Vegas wedding chapel!
Deeky: "Editor at Large from the Daily Candy"? That's a thing? And Earl Grey mousse? Barf!
Liss: Top Chef: Garbage Desserts.
Deeky: LOL!
Liss: This show blowz, but at least it's not as boring as the last season of Top Chef.
Deeky: I guess. And shouldn't they have changed that knife in the logo to a spoon or something?
Liss: They should have changed it to a pink donut.
Deeky: Well, at least this show will only last one season.
Liss: LOL!
Deeky: Danielle has serious sad face. "Your dessert just didn't measure up." Wevs.
Liss: Please pack your cupcakes and get the fuck out of here.
Deeky: LOL!
Liss: I'm going to bed, Mr. Chocolate B-Hole. Goodnight!
Deeky: Nighty-night, Lady Donut!
Liss: HA!
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