This is so the worst thing you're going to read all day.

by Shaker scatx, a liberal, a feminist, a wife, a mother, a professional historian, and an optimist.

I nominate as So the Worst Thing You're Going to Read All Day this gem from the Today Show/MSNBC website (an article written by the Associated Press): British Brides Live in Fear of Royal Wedding Date. The title alone should be enough to make you gag a bit.

It is, as you may have guessed, about all the British brides who are getting married this coming spring and summer in London and cannot possibly imagine sharing their wedding date with Kate Middleton and Prince William (did you hear that they were getting married??? It's going to be magical!).

Important things to take away from the article:

1) Only BRIDES would care about this major, major problem. ("Britain is captivated by speculation over where and when their prince will wed — few are keeping their eyes peeled as much as British brides-to-be." Their only rivals? I'm gonna go with reporters.)

2) Only brides care because for them, it's the biggest day of their lives. (Old tropes make me yawn and yet they won't go away: "Planning the biggest day of your life is stressful enough.") Of course, for many women, their wedding day is the biggest day of their lives by virtue of its being the one day they are not marginalized by virtue of their womanhood, but instead centered because of it.

3) And I quote: "Fear and horror are spreading through British bridal circles — and a whole new batch of young women are ready to pitch a royal hissy fit." I'm glad that the author didn't succumb to using excessive, outsized hyperbole when making a misogynistic statement about brides and their "hissy fits." Because if there is anything in today's world that unleashes fear and horror, it's Bristol Palin winning DWTS sharing your wedding day with Kate and William.

4) If the royal couple marries the same day as you, people won't pay enough attention to you. Inevitably, you won't be the princess that day; Kate will (both metaphorically and literally, in this case).

"If their wedding was on my wedding day, I don't know what I would do!" said Anna Whitcomb, 28, trying on wedding dresses at a London department store. "I know all my family members and guests would want to watch the celebration and would be distracted."

"I'm supposed to be the princess, and now I have a real princess to compete with," she added.

5) Logistically, it may be a nightmare for flower delivery. (I'll admit, the only logical part of this entire article came when one bride expressed concern over travel into and out of the city.)

6) Don't forget about how much worse it will be for the elite, wealthy British brides who have the bad luck of matching up with the royal nuptials! Because it may not seem real unless I quote it, here is what this article actually says: "Brides with expensive tastes and elite social connections have further worries. Will their orders for hand-engraved invitations from royal stationers Smythson be delayed? Can they still get that 1,950 pound ($3,116)-wedding cake from the queen's grocery supplier Fortnum & Mason? Will the guest lists overlap?"

7) Finally, this is a major concern for the "less confident" bride. If you are worried that your guests will be upset about missing out on the royal wedding, feel free to record it for them and show it later. Unless you simply don't have the confidence to do so because you could not fancy having your dress or nuptials "compared to a much more glamorous, wealthy bride like Middleton." Note the assumption that no matter what, you will feel and look MUCH less glamorous than Middleton. Gee, why would any brides-to-be have confidence issues?

For the record, I am not saying that I have a problem with someone wanting their wedding day to be a big deal (I certainly did when I had mine). And I understand that planning for it can take many months. People in your life who you care deeply about may pay lots of money, take time off work, and travel long distances to be there for you on the day you get married. You may be holding out for a specific venue or a specific date or whatnot. Whatever. To each their own.

This article about weddings is disgusting, though, because it presupposes so many things not simply about brides but also about women. It, once again, paints a single narrative about weddings (but NOT marriages) that show women in a terrible light. It portrays them as shallow, anxious, materialistic, and prone to "royal hissy fits" when they don't get their way or think that their spotlight is being unfairly taken away (which they really only think because the media is telling them so - a vicious circle, really).

And the author of the article KNOWS this and wants to deflect blame away from themselves by pointing out that everyone already thinks these things about brides. Right near the end of the article, the author tells us, without a hint of irony, the following thing about brides these days (by which they mean heterosexual, western, monied, feminine, brides):

Brides-to-be have acquired a reputation as being unreasonable, intolerable perfectionists — so-called "Bridezillas" — partly thanks to such movies as "Bride Wars," in which two best friends try to outdo each other with vicious dirty tricks after both booked the same venue on the same day.

HAHAHAHHA! Or I mean, AAAAHHHH! As if reputations just appear or just happen to be acquired in the public arena. As if they don't function like stereotypes, created out of pieced-together anecdotes that function mainly to feed the dominant narrative, to make the idea that already exists appear natural and normal. As if the reputations of "Brides-to-be" are a result of the actions or behaviors of real-life bride-to-bes. Or as if real-life brides-to-be don't act the way that they have been instructed to act by their society (in order to show just how much these weddings mean to them so that everyone gets that they are both a good woman and a good soon-to-be wife), via things like the Today Show, AP articles, or TV shows and movies.

As if articles like this one are written in a vacuum that only allows in the truth and filters the bullshit. As if the author of this article only reflects back what they see instead of intentionally creating an article that they think will appeal to readers and play on their insecurities (are you a good enough bride/woman/wife? are you upset enough at the idea that the royals will get married on your day? have you double-checked with your cake maker about delivery times and possible conflicts? are you intense enough to show your dedication but cool enough not to be a Bridezilla?).

As if Bride Wars (BRIDE WARS, folks - re: Melissa) or "Bridezillas" are 1) real or 2) were not created and hoisted upon us by the same patriarchal, misogynist d-bags who red-light articles like this.

Now, if you will excuse me, I need to go read about how Kate and William having been living together for months. It's a downright scandal!