Film Corner!

Below is the trailer for the awesome new romantic comedy No Strings Attached Friends With Benefits, starring Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis as two very good-looking straight white people who discover the path to love is denying your emotions, with a little help along the way from a wacky, uncomfortably sexually liberated mom, being played by Patricia Clarkson because Hollywood hates women over 40, and a zany, pun-sputtering gay friend, being played by Woody Harrelson because THAT MAKES SENSE.


Video Paraphrase: City! Emma Stone breaks up with Justin Timberlake. Andy Samberg breaks up with Mila Kunis. Witty banter! Relationships are hard. Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis are DONE with relationships. But he's "emotionally unavailable" and she's "emotionally damaged" so they can have lots of sex together. Wacky, uncomfortably sexually liberated mom is wacky and uncomfortably sexually liberated. Zany gay friend is zany and gay. Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis learn cute things about each other. They do cute things that are SO CUTE I'm beginning to think that emotions can't HELP but get in the way of all the emotion-free sexytimes! Mila Kunis is cool because she's a misogynist who calls Justin Timberlake a "pussy." Not like those OTHER GIRLS with SELF-RESPECT! Zany gay friend sputters SO many gay puns! Oh oh—Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis talk to friends about how complicated this arrangement is getting. KEEP YOUR EMOTIONS IN YOUR PANTS, HIPSTERS! Stupid plot devices that aren't funny and don't resemble anything that actually happens in the real world. Fin.

My only question is: Are there strings attached? It's really hard to tell, due to the lack of barfinatingly clunky metaphors.