The Facts of Life

A couple weeks ago I came across an older news item about a book being challenged in a Tampa (FL) public library. The book in question is: My Mom's Having A Baby. In the article it says things like:

We showed the book to several local parents who all felt the book went into too much detail for young readers. One parent said, "If you actually found this in the library, then I am very shocked."

We found a copy at the Temple Terrace Public Library. It was coded "J" for juvenile and in a section where only children 13 years of age and older are allowed to check-out a book without parent present.

The Temple Terrace Public Library operates independently of the Hillsborough library system. Challener said at the more than two dozen libraries run through the Hillsborough system, any child with a library card at any age can check out any book without a parent present, including My Mom's Having a Baby.

"By the time a kid needs to know all of these details they should not be reading a children's book," said Clearwater based Psychologist Lindsay Sinclair.

She said parents should begin talking to their kids about sex at about age 5, but she said that talk should only include the basics. Dr. Sinclair said by ages 9 to 11, when the body is changing, the conversation can be in greater detail.

She pointed out the risks in a child reading a book like My Mom's Having a Baby alone and without parental supervision.

Dr. Sinclair said, "They are getting into detail on the pain a woman feels in labor. I would think a child would be frightened for their mother. They really don't need to know how much pain is involved in childbirth."

And then on the Powell's site, one review started off with:

I have a four year old that I wouldnt let look at the photos or even read this to her. The photos were not for her age group and the words were not right either. I wouldnt read this to my four year old and I think it's better for when you talk about sex to your child when they are older. ...

So of course I had to see just what this book said! I put in a request with my own library and was able to pick up the book last week (which caused quite the amusing stir here in my house when it was noticed, LOL).

We've always been honest and straight-forward about the "where babies come from" and "how does the baby get in there?" topics. We've never seen a need to not be--it's really all just simple biology. There's no need to be evasive or whatever, any more than one would be when talking about, say, digestion. Sure, there are aspects to discussing sexual health & sexuality that aren't suited to conversations with five year olds. That's why conversations are on-going and evolve as kids get older. We've also never, ever been people to assign "cutsey" names for body parts. I wouldn't call an arm or an ear something other than an arm or ear, why would I call a penis something else? /rhetorical

So anyway, that's the place I come from when looking at books like these. So, yes, it should be no surprise that I think the people who challenged it, the people the news showed it to, and that reviewer are wrong. The book is cute--bordering on cutsey--and factual, narrated by a little girl telling the story about how she & her family are expecting a new baby. It details fetal development during the pregnancy, mostly. It does have on one page a drawing of a naked man and naked woman (with drawings of the of the insides penis & testicles and the uterus/fallopian tubes). The part of the story on that page goes:

I wonder how our baby got inside my mom. One day, she and I have a nice talk about that.
Mom says it takes two people to make a baby. A man and a woman. Children can't make babies.
Tiny sperm are made inside a man's testicles. Tiny eggs are stores inside a woman's ovaries. A sperm and egg must join to make a baby.
When a sperm and egg come together, in a place called a fallopian tube, we say the egg is "fertilized". The fertilized egg moves down the fallopian tube and inter the uterus. There,a ll snug and safe, it grows into a baby.
But how the the sperm and egg get together I wonder?

The next page describes sex in the most basic of terms:

Mom says that when a man and a woman love each other so much that they want to make a baby, they lie really close to each other and hug and kiss. All this hugging an kissing feels nice. It makes the man and woman want to get even closer to each other.
The man puts his penis between the woman's legs and inside her vagina. After a while, a while liquid shoots out of the man's penis and into the woman's vagina. The liquid is full of millions of sperm. They swim up the woman's vagina, through her uterus, and into one of her fallopian tubes. If a sperm and egg join together, nine months later, a new baby will be born!

And that's pretty much it for that. It's a blip, really, in the whole book. It reminds me quite a bit of how it went when my oldest child was four and I was pregnant with his brother (though he already had a sister, he didn't ask questions at the time I was pregnant with her). It's natural for kids to wonder "how babies are made" and "just how does the baby get IN there?"--and this book follows that.

I want to go back to the original article when the psychologist said: "They are getting into detail on the pain a woman feels in labor." Not once does the book mention pain. The book says that the mom is having contractions and that "Mom does some special breathing to help with the contractions" (and it shows mom "breathing" with her eyes closed apparently making "puff puff" noises). It also shows the mom in labor making more "puff puff" noises and her face scrunched up while pushing. The books says: This is hard work for my mom. That's why everyone says she's 'in labor' right now." And that's it. If asked, I've told them that yes, it hurt. I've told them that every birth is different, everyone experiences it differently and for some people it might hurt less than others, and that there are lots of different ways to help with any pain someone might feel. It doesn't have to be "scary" (just as discussing sex doesn't have to be embarrassing or shameful). Anyway, my kids (ages 5, 6, 8, & 11) all picked up the book and read through it as I've had it laying around. Not a one remarked that the mom looked like she was in pain or anything. They did all ask about when they were born and their own birth stories and, of course, to hear the list of "who was the biggest baby".

In the end, the library decided that the book WILL stay on the shelves because:

Manager of Materials and Circulation Marcee Challencer said the book will stay in its collection and continue to be cataloged in the juvenile section. She explained the book's title and content are "more open" than similar books about pregnancy. Challencer said, "The openness has its place in the library collection and provides options for parents who are comfortable with it."

Any child with a library card is able to check-out the book without parent supervision at libraries within the Hillsborough County system.

The book's author, Dori Butler, said in an email to ABC Action news that the book is intended to be read by a parent and child together. Local library leaders echoed that suggestion and added parents are ultimately responsible for what their kids are reading.

Good.

Speaking of challenged books, the ALA has released the list of 2010 Most Frequently Challenged Books:

1. And Tango Makes Three, by Peter Parnell and Justin Richardson
2. The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian, by Sherman Alexie
3. Brave New World, by Aldous Huxley
4. Crank, by Ellen Hopkins
5. The Hunger Games, by Suzanne Collins
6. Lush, by Natasha Friend
7. What My Mother Doesn’t Know, by Sonya Sones
8. Nickel and Dimed, by Barbara Ehrenreich
9. Revolutionary Voices, edited by Amy Sonnie
10. Twilight, by Stephenie Meyer

As the ALA blog notes, And Tango Makes Three has been on the list for the past five years. Five years ago, I wrote a post about a challenge to it.


[Related reading: Water For No One,Banned Books Week 2010, A Novel Approach, But What About My Needs?, "No, God Hates Morons!"*, Harry Potter and the Half-Brained Dumbass, Banned Books Week 2006]

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