This is so the worst thing you're going to read all day.

[Trigger warning for fat hatred, body policing, discussions of dieting.]

Care of the Chicago Tribune: Broaching a weighty subject.

True Fact: Every article about the OH NOES OBESITY CRISIS! is required by the Association for Awesome Journalisming to use a pun in its headline and accompany the story with either a headless fatty photo or the image of a scale.

Good job, Trib!

Anyway, the article is all about how you—yes, YOU, thin human person!—can help your fat friends, family members, and coworkers lose weight by "being supportive" and telling them that just by looking at their fat bodies, you can tell they are unhealthy and about to die.

[K]eep the conversation loving and positive.

"How can I help?" [Lynn Grefe, president and CEO of the National Eating Disorders Association] reinforces. "I love you too much to lose you. I want you to be around a long time."

I know nothing makes me feel more loved and sounds more positive than someone armchair diagnosing my health and predicting my imminent demise!

There is exactly one fool-proof way to be supportive of a fat person: Listen to them and give them what they need.

If they don't ask for your help, they don't want it. The End.

[H/T to Shaker Jabes.]