This is so the worst thing you're going to read all day.

Actual Headline: Tim Pawlenty's secret weapon: his wife, Mary.

Actual Passage from the Article:

Usually, Pawlenty explains away his wife's absence on the campaign trail with this quip about her parenting obligations back home in Eagan, Minn.: "I have two teenage daughters. One is 18 and one is 14. They both like boys and one of them drives."

The line always draws a laugh, and Pawlenty always follows up with a promise to bring Mary along next time.

Barrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrf.

Fun Fact: Tim Pawlenty once said at a campaign event: "I'm very thankful for my red-hot smoking wife, the first lady of Minnesota."

I've heard that weaponizing a woman can make her red-hot and smoking.