Important Announcement

I hate this AT&T commercial SO MUCH. I hate it with the fiery passion of ten thousand suns. I hate it like ants hate shoes. I hate it I hate it I hate it.

Middle-Aged White Man, excitedly, to his wife, a Middle-Aged White Woman, who is gardening in her greenhouse: You ready for this? I just signed the whole family up for unlimited mobile-to-mobile minutes.

Wife: You're kidding!

Husband, still excited and grinning: No!

Wife, turning back to her gardening and not even looking at him, with snide voice: Where's that money coming from, Steve? Did it even cross your mind to ask your wife before signing us up for something so expensive? [Husband's expression falls; he looks crestfallen. Wife continues, muttering.] My mother was right. I should have married John Clark.

Husband, defiantly, swallowing back his hurt feelings: They were free. [Wife stops and looks at him, a look of rueful shock on her face.] I got them when I signed us up for unlimited messaging.

Male Voiceover: Get more value from AT&T. Buy an unlimited messaging plan and call any US mobile phone free. AT&T.

Seriously, AT&T? Yiiiiiiiiiiiiiiikes.

I was actually considering switching to AT&T before I saw this commercial a billion times. Now, they're off the list of possible options. I'll find a carrier who doesn't try to woo new customers with 30-second morality plays about castrating harpy wives and the brave nebbishy* husbands who triumphantly stand up to them in defense of their mobile service provider.

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* Used advisedly, as there seems to be a thinly veiled "shaming Shiksa wife" thing happening in this advert, too, particularly embedded within that "my family wanted me to marry John Clark" throwaway. Or what would have been a throwaway, if the context weren't an advert that pulled from central casting a Martha Stewart type and a Woody Allen type to play the married couple between whom that dialogue is exchanged.