Oh Good Lord

I really try not to write shitty, cynical, simplistic stuff like, "This story sums up everything that is wrong with the US," but if I were in the habit of writing shitty, cynical, simplistic stuff like, "This story sums up everything that is wrong with the US," I might take this occasion to shittily, cynically, and simplistically write, "This story sums up everything that is wrong with the US," because oh god this story: Steven Seagal Sworn in as Deputy Sheriff to Help Secure Southern US Border.

Border bandits in far West Texas may want to brush up on their martial arts and film presence now that action film star Steven Seagal is coming to town.

Seagal, 59, was sworn in this week as the Hudspeth County Sheriff's Office newest deputy. The sheriff's office said he'll be working full time to help secure the U.S.-Mexico border.

Seagal called the department himself about two months ago asking for the job.

"It became very clear to me that Mr. Seagal is not in this for the celebrity or the publicity," Sheriff Arvin West said. "He's like the rest of us that live down here; he has a sincere passion for his country and he wants to do more to help."

Sure. Also, he's racist.

Both Seagal's reps and the Hudspeth County force claim that there are no plans in the works for a reality show, but Seagal isn't slated to start his role as "deputy chief to the chief deputy" until "early next year," and department spokesman Gary Fleming won't say they're not "weighing their own options for a reality show some time in the future," though "the television aspect of what we're doing here is the last priority." So basically, there's going to be a TV show.

Just what the already incendiary, xenophobic, violent, Othering, and dangerously uninformed national discussion about immigration, such as it is, really needs: An exploitative man-boy fantasy about kicking illegal ass at the border with Steven Seagal. Yiiiiiiiiiiikes.