[LOLLERSKATES!!! Via Miss Cellania. Transcript below.]
Male Voiceover [over scenes of characters parodying the survivors on the hit zombie show The Walking Dead and of stumbling zombies, one of whom says, "Wow!" in a Christopher Walken voice]: No one knows where they came from. No one knows why they're here. But they only want one thing.
Male Zombie, stumbling after a woman, in a Christopher Walken voice: I got a fever—and the only prescription is more cowbell! [woman screams]
Voiceover [over images of zombies talking like Walken]: Coming to TV this fall, it's a harrowing tale of survival you won't want to miss.
Male Survivor, on rooftop with other survivors: They say it's a virus—destroys every part of your brain except for basic motor functions. And also the part that stores Christopher Walken quotes.
Male Zombie, from the street below: You're a cantaloupe!
Male Zombie, stumbling after woman down the street: Five long years, he wore this watch—up his ass!
Voiceover: Watch as the last remnants of mankind fight for their humanity.
Male Survivor, sitting with another male survivor and a female survivor, all huddled against a wall: We just had a party!
Female Survivor: Everything was going fine!
Male Survivor: And then it happened!
[The video "flashes back" to the three of them at a party as a Walken-spouting zombie stumbles up to them.]
Male Zombie: Two little mice fell into a bucket of cream. The first mouse quickly gave up and drowned, but the second mouse—
[The video "flashes forward" back to the three of them sitting against the wall.]
Male Survivor: It was horrible—the strained conversation, the forced courtesy laughs! We're just lucky that none of us got bit, right, honey?
Female Survivor: I know. I mean, if we had, we'd all be [she starts turning into a zombie and begins speaking like Walken] wearing gold-plated diapers! [She leans in toward the two men and they scream before the video cuts to another scene.]
Male Zombie: Your son, fuckhead that he is, left his driver's license in the dead man's hand.
Male Survivor, to female survivor: They're getting weirder!
Male Zombie: I feel like a little boy who lost his first tooth, put it under his pillow, and is waiting for the tooth fairy to come.
Female Survivor: And more obscure!
Male Survivor: That's from The Rundown. Get your shit together.
Male Zombie: She tries to blackmail me, I'll drop her out a higher window!
Male Zombie: Boom!
Male Zombie: Sailor! Good man!
Male Zombie: I haven't killed anyone since 1984!
Voiceover [over more similar scenes and crescendoing music]: The battle for our planet has begun. [Quick montage of zombies chasing people and saying things like "two little mice" and "more cowbell." A male survivor screams "nooooooo!"] And the worst is still to come.
Male Zombie: Has anyone seen my triceratops? He's fantastic!
Female Survivor, to male survivor: Oh my god. They aren't even quoting anymore!
Voiceover: The Walken Dead. Coming this fall to American Walken Classics. All Walken. All the Time.
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