News I Don't Want to Write About

Here is the news I don't want to write about today!

There is the news of an alleged 13-year affair a woman named Ginger White had with Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain, who is now reportedly "reassessing" his campaign. I find it deeply hilaritragic that it was not his total lack of qualifications, competency, or reasonable ideology that has rendered him unfit for the presidency in the estimation of conservative voters, nor even his being a serial sexual harasser, but the report that he may have had a consensual extramarital affair.

There is more depressing evidence that "Support the Troops" is a policy in bumper-sticker sloganeering only.

There is the revelation that iPhone4's virtual assistant Siri is anti-choice, refusing to direct users to abortion clinics. Womanly enough to sexually harass, but not womanly enough to be an ally to abortion-seeking women. (Not that all women are pro-choice, but a meaningful majority of them are.)

There is the ruling that Norwegian spree killer Anders Behring Breivik is mentally ill "and cannot be sentenced to prison or preventive detention, but can be confined to a mental hospital for the rest of his life."

There is the news that Conrad Murray, Michael Jackson's personal physician, who was recently found guilty of involuntary manslaughter by a jury in California, has been sentenced to four years. Okay. Because even contemplating the consumption of information about this case makes my brain short out from overwhelming relief that I am not a celebrity, I still know virtually nothing about it, but that sounds about right, I guess?

There is the fact that I agree with Ann Coulter about something. (Well, John McCain is a douchebag.) Now back to your regularly scheduled universe.

Talk about these things! Or don't. Whatever makes you happy. Life is short.