Primarily Terrible

So, aside from the two debates over the weekend, here's the latest from Scary Thoughters and the Ideologues' Drone, aka the Republican Primary...

Rick Perry, who is definitely still in the race and has not dropped out yet, has a really interesting foreign policy position: He would send troops back to Iraq. What a swell idea! I'm sure this is a plan that every US man, woman, and child will totally get behind.

Speaking of super-smart people who have great ideas in their brains, Rick Santorum says there's no need for a federal law banning adoption by same-sex couples because "there are only gay couples in certain states." Ha ha sure. Like the state of San Francisco and the state of Provincetown. Even by Rick Santorum's standards of saying stupid things—which is to say: uttering incomprehensibly stupid things in the most absurd way on a near-constant basis—this one's a real doozy.

In other Smart Guy News, Mitt Romney yukked it up during the debates about how rich he is and how politics is only for rich people. Which is obviously true. But that's a problem with our ostensibly democratic system, not a feature, as Mitt Romney evidently regards it to be. You're gross, Mitt Romney. Shut up.

Jon Huntsman zzzzzzzzzzzzzz in New Hampshire zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Oh! Here's something funny about Jon Huntsman: In order to prove he knows a lot about the global economy at one of the debates, he started speaking in Mandarin. (Because he was the ambassador to China, you see.) That is a man who really knows his audience! "Wowee wow! That guy is a real international sophisticate!" said no one in attendance at the GOP primary debate. "Check his birth certificate!" said EVERYONE.

Newt Gingrich pulled out the most tiresome and exhausting defense ever when a black business-owner in New Hampshire took offense to the Gingrich's suggestion last week that most black people are unemployed and on food stamps: "I mean clearly somebody who's served with Colin Powell, who has served with Condoleezza Rice, I have a fairly good sense of the fact that African Americans have many contributions to America." Newt Gingrich has black friends colleagues! Yiiiiiiiikes.

Something something Ron Paul.

Finally, here is the trailer for a new documentary (lulz) called "When Mitt Romney Came to Town" (lulz) about Mitt Romney's time as CEO of Bain Capital. Now, Mitt Romney's tenure with Bain is essentially the history of the garbage nightmare that is modern capitalism: Bain, under Romney's guidance, their wheels greased by the wanton corporate deregulation of the 1980's, blazed the trail that led Corporate America from a traditional capitalist system built on goods and services and unionized workers, to the modern system built on corporate plundering, consumer fraud, and worker exploitation. So a serious documentary about Romney's corporate history would be really fascinating and illuminating—if it weren't done by a Newt Gingrich SuperPAC that substitutes ominous cloud imagery for facts.

This trailer is slated to be run in South Carolina in an attempt to tank Romney's candidacy. Which is pretty cool for all of us who don't want a Republican president, because it ain't gonna send his primary bid off the rails, but it just might come in useful during the general. Good job as always, Newt Gingrich's SuperPAC!


Once upon a time, America was happy and there was sunshine and tinkly piano music. But the American Dream fell into the wrong hands, and greedy corporate raiders who took money from foreigners destroyed everything! People's lives were ruined and now there's nothing but storm clouds and ominous music in America. "For tens of thousands of Americans, the suffering began when Mitt Romney came to town." That is actually true, but OMG looks and sounds very silly in this trailer.

I know that's a pretty awful paraphrase, but, trust me, it doesn't matter.

Talk about these things! Or don't. Whatever makes you happy. Life is short.