So the Republicans Had Two More Debates...

The Republican candidates for president had two more debates this weekend, one Saturday night and one Sunday night, bring the total number of debates this campaign season to SO MANY DEBATES! I mean, just an extraordinary number of debates. I've covered at least 87,000 of them since last June.

Anyway! They were pretty much the same as all the previous debates, minus even the most cursory token to the myth that the GOP is a "big tent" of diversity. Just a bunch of rich straight white dudes standing around trying to out-asshole each other.


I sardonically live-tweeted both debates, so below, in all its disjointed glory, is my running commentary from Twitter during the funtime events from New Hampshire.

Saturday Night:

This Republican debate is the best yet of the fully ONE MILLION debates they've had so far during this primary.

Jon Huntsman literally looks like he wonders wtf he's doing there. He clearly lost a bet with the ghost of Ronald Reagan.

When Gingrich said he'd run a positive campaign, he meant his campaign would test positive for fuckery, whut, and general indecency.


Kenny Blogginz just described Willard as making "an epic stand-by face." LOLOLOL!

Rick Perry is still definitely in the race! He has not dropped out yet!

Did I just hear Rick Santorum say that gay people only live in some states? WHUT.

Huntsman's blue tie has subconsciously convinced me to vote for him! But whooooops his garbage ideology has consciously convinced me NOT to.

"I want to openly fight holy wars as your next president!"—Pope Rick Santorum.

I have literally talked to visiting racist druncles of random acquaintances who make more sense than Rick Santorum.

The only thing that could have made this debate EVEN BETTER was a commercial starring Fred Thompson. Huzzah! #whofarted

The thing I love most about GOP primaries is watching a bunch of rich white dudes competing to run the government talking about how much government sucks.

I am mildly concerned that Newt Gingrich and I have the same haircut.

Iain is seething and squirming and screaming at the television. I bet he's extra glad he moved to the US right now!


The middle class is shrinking! Know what's not shrinking? Ron Paul's suit jacket.

Oh pardon me. Kenny Blogginz just informed me he needs a larger jacket to conceal his potions. I wasn't aware. My bad.

"A radical European socialist model." LOL! If only.

Rick Santorum really begs for the revival of the term "piss-ant."

I can't wait to see which one of these magicians Republican voters pick to conjure another century for the American Empire!

I mean, sure, these guys are cavernous assholes with coffee grounds and eggshells where their decency should be, but at least they're COOL.

RT @DeekyMD Who here is a douchebag? Anyone? pic.twitter.com/gr8OcYLY

Sunday Morning:

I cannot even believe there's another Republican debate this morning. I bet future losing candidate to Pres. Obama Mitt Romney can't either.

Where are all the Fred Thompson commercials this morning? #whofarted

Me: "There's another Republican debate this morning." Iain: "WHAAAT?! What are they debating? They can't be serious! Now I'm angry." LOL!

Mitt Romney just said in the same breath he supports "full rights" for gay people and opposes same-sex marriage. Whoooops!

Dudley just barfed. I'm pretty sure in dog that means he just founded the Greyhounds Against Rick Santorum PAC.

Pious baloney tastes great on pathetic anger bread.

"Supply side economics." The political equivalent of a Thriller Zombie: Totes reminds me of the 80s and won't die.

Willard just made another epic stand-by face. Cntl+Alt+Delete!

Every time one of these hyperbolic liars calls Obama a socialist, all I can think is, "If only!"


Santorum hates "a theocracy that views the afterlife as better than this one," b/c he prefers theocracies that view the pre-life as better than this one.

"Four Pinnochios! Do you know what it takes to get Four Pinnochios?!" Oh my god. This country is doomed.

Rick Santorum keeps reminding me of the sociopathic doomsday killer played by Colin Hanks in the last season of Dexter. It's not so much that he resembles Hanks (although he does) but more the terse hostility lingering behind the thin facade of friendliness. If he starts building tableaux, watch out. Is what I'm saying.