[Transcript below.]
Chris, to Ann, while wearing a medical mask: Flu prevention! My body is finely tuned, like a microchip, and the flu is like a grain of sand. It could LITERALLY shut down the entire system.
* * *
Chris, to Andy, after a shoeshine: I can LITERALLY see my face in my shoes.
* * *
Chris, to Ann, in a park at night: There is a pretzel stand over there that serves LITERALLY the best pretzel I've ever had. Would you like one?
* * *
Chris, to Ann and April, walking into his office where they are waiting for him: Ann Perkins! April Ludgate! LITERALLY two of my favorite people on Earth.
* * *
April, snapping her fingers and pointing at Chris: Fine, I'll do it.
Chris: That is LITERALLY the best news that I've heard all day!
* * *
Chris, outside his office door, after accepting a permanent position in Pawnee: And I of course accepted immediately, because Pawnee is LITERALLY? The greatest town in the country.
* * *
Chris, eating a hamburger made my Ron Swanson: This is literally the best thing I've ever eaten. Mmm. And it's so bad for me. I'm gonna have to jog while I digest this.
* * *
Chris, to Tom, who is offering him a glass of his homemade booze: I believe an ounce of that would LITERALLY kill me.
* * *
Chris, to Donna, in the middle of a dance club: Every time I cleanse, I can LITERALLY feel the toxins leaving my body.
* * *
Chris, to Leslie and Ben, at a table in a nice restaurant: There is LITERALLY nothing in this world that you cannot do!
* * *
Chris, on the other end of the phone, to Leslie: —and I'm starting to feel angry.
Leslie: Okay, Chris—
Chris: And I don't LIKE feeling angry! My heart is racing! It's going LITERALLY 45 beats a minute!
* * *
Chris, to Ben, at the nice restaurant again: You HAVE to sleep on my couch. It is LITERALLY? The comfiest couch you've ever been on.
* * *
Chris, to a doctor in a doctor's office: Dr. Harris, you are LITERALLY the meanest person I have ever met.
* * *
Chris, to Ann, who is showing him her email inbox on her phone: Oh my god. Your inbox is LITERALLY filled with penises.
Ann: Mm-hmm.
Chris: I am so sorry.
* * *
Chris, to Millicent, at a table in a restaurant: Millicent Gergich, biking for charity is LITERALLY one of my interests on Facebook. [Millicent and Jerry laugh.] I can't believe how alike we are!
Millicent: I know! It's like we're literally the same person!
Chris grins.
* * *
Court reporter, reading court transcript to Leslie: Mr. Traeger: "That was beautiful. I'm literally crying and jumping." Crying noise. Crying noise. Nose blow. Mr. Wyatt: "It's gonna be okay." [Leslie smiles and gives a little laugh.] Mr. Traeger—
Cut to Chris sobbing in Ben's arms.
Ben, patting Chris on the back: Ohhh. Let it out, I guess?
* * *
Chris, in Ben's kitchen, pointing at him: That idea is LITERALLY the greatest idea I have ever heard in my life.
* * *
Chris: That idea is terrible.
* * *
Chris, on the phone, reading a name off a phone list at a campaign fundraising phonebank: Is this Deirdre Splatterfork? That is LITERALLY the most beautiful name I have ever heard!
* * *
Chris, looking at himself in the mirror while wearing a hospital gown: Stop. Pooping.
* * *
Chris, crying, to Leslie, while the theme from Chariots of Fire plays in the background: That, literally, is the most moving thing I've ever heard. And a good idea.
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