Primarily Disastrous

That is literally the smartest thought Mitt Romney has had during this entire campaign, and it is a thought that I inserted into his fictional brainpan through the magic of Photoshop.

What a terrible time for poor Mitt Romney, who has been dreaming HIS WHOLE LIFE of losing an election to Barack Obama! He is slipping in the polls, he's running out of campaign money, he's under attack for his church's anti-Semitic practices, that doggone animal cruelty story just won't go away, he can't even get the good endorsements, and now a bunch of dirty hippies are fixing to meddle in the primaries to make sure he loses.

And when people start looking at his actual policies, it's gonna get EVEN WORSE!

Poor Mitt Romney. I would feel soooooooooooooo sad for him if he weren't a garbage nightmare of a candidate whose definition of presidential stewardship weren't to usher in a corporatocracy as quickly as possible!

Newt Gingrich is still in the race! He has not dropped out yet! And he is getting GREAT press these days. Like this tremendous piece in the Washington Post: "Newt Gingrich: The most disliked politician in America." Ha ha TERRIFIC!

Something something Ron Paul. Liberty, freedom, liberty, freedom, forcible pregnancy, honest rape. It's in the Constitution! Look it up.

Now it's time for another Rick Santorum FUN FACT! In 1999, Rick Santorum's wife Karen sued "a Virginia-based chiropractor for half-a-million dollars for allegedly bungling a spinal adjustment." [H/T to Shaker phillypheminist.] This story is being reported as some evidence of hypocrisy, because Rick Santorum supports tort reform limiting awards to half for that which Karen sued, but, hey, his wife doesn't necessarily agree with his position on tort reform, and he doesn't own her, so whatever. I also believe that Karen Santorum was entitled to be awarded the reimbursement of medical care related to the alleged injury, missed work, and other associated costs. However! I find the testimony in this case about how they were hurt very interesting!

A significant part of what the Santorums were concerned about at the time of the lawsuit was that Karen would not be able to help the senator's re-election campaign, as she had done in the past.

Roll Call reported on Jan. 10, 2000, that the senator had testified that his wife had "trouble walking, bending and lifting and has suffered humiliation from weight gain associated with her injury."

"We have to go out and do a lot of public things. She wants to look nice, so it's really difficult," said Santorum, according to the 1999 Roll Call piece.

Oof. Because looking nice and being fat are mutually exclusive, of course. And it wasn't enough to just state the facts of her injury limiting her physically; he had to really drive home how TRULY AWFUL the injury was by detailing how it had made her unattractive. (And why was it him testifying to her alleged upset at her changed appearance and not her?)

Also: "In addition to the pain and suffering of his wife, the injury forced the senator to do more work around the house. 'When I get home at night—and I have long hours—she's exhausted. I have to do more stuff around the house—which I am happy to do,' Santorum testified." He's happy to do it, OBVIOUSLY, but they really need some money to compensate a husband and father who works long hours having to do more work around the house.

I wonder which of them suffered a more devastating humiliation: Her, for gaining weight, or him, for having to do housework. OH THE HUMANITY!


^ Also a fun fact.
In other Santorum news, borrowing a page out of the Bush-Cheney playbook, Rick Santorum is warning North Dakotans that "their state's booming oil industry positioned the region as a prime target for terrorism."

"Folks, you've got energy here. They're going to bother you. They'll bother you, because you are a very key and strategic resource for this country," the Republican presidential candidate said. "No one is safe. No one is safe from asymmetric threats of terrorism."

He then went on to use that as justification for why we need to intervene in Iran. What a good idea! He is so full of good ideas!

Finally: If you want to get a better understanding of the kind of people who support Rick Santorum (lol there are people who support Rick Santorum! ha ha nervous laughter OMG!), check out these heroes.

In totally related news, President Obama's approval rating is back to 50%.

Talk about these things! Or don't. Whatever makes you happy. Life is short.