Primarily Stupid

Someone get that baby away from Mitt Romney before he takes her for a ride on top of his car!
This primary continues to be so exciting (not exciting, not at all) that I can barely STAND IT! Between the horrendo bigotry, the class warfare, the support of state-sponsored terrorism in defense of an inherently violent ideology, and ALL THE RONALD REAGAN YOU CAN SHAKE A NUKE AT, this primary is like a roller coaster made of garbage farts! WHAT A RIDE!

Mitt Romney is struggling to maintain his spot on the leaderboard as Rick Santorum gains momentum, which is obviously very sad for Romney because he REALLY WANTS to be the guy who loses to President Obama in November. A new CNN/ORC International poll provides some insight into what's shaking up the race:

A large gender gap appears to be developing between supporters of GOP presidential candidates Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum, as well as a split between white collar and blue collar Republicans, according to a new national survey.

A CNN/ORC International poll also indicates that Santorum supporters are much more highly motivated than those backing Romney.

Whoooooooooops Mitt Romney! Your failure to inspire passionate support from ANYONE might finally be catching up to you!

"The new numbers indicate a split in the Republican party that goes deeper than ideology, with signs of a gender gap and class warfare breaking out in the GOP ranks," says CNN Polling Director Keating Holland.

According to the survey, released Tuesday afternoon, Santorum and Romney are basically all tied up for the lead in the race for the GOP nomination. ... Santorum's newfound support may be coming from Republicans who backed candidates who are no longer in the race, like Texas Gov. Rick Perry. But the poll also indicates that Santorum's surge is also the product of a notable gender gap, with Santorum holding a 10-point edge among Republican men and Romney winning Republican women by nine points. And Republicans who describe themselves as blue collar are backing Santorum by 11 points over Romney. But among those who say they come from white collar families, Romney has a 10-point advantage.

..."According to the survey, Santorum Republicans are also much more highly motivated than Romney Republicans, with more than half of Santorum's voters saying they strongly support him, compared to less than four in ten Romney voters - and enthusiasm for Santorum as the eventual nominee is highest among the four remaining challengers," adds Holland.

OH GOD WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?! What it means is that we're going to end up with some rich white male conservative nightmare running against President Obama.

Maybe it will be Mitt Romney. Or maybe it will be Rick Santorum, because he has the COURAGE to fight for America!


See?
Speaking of Rick Santorum and his COURAGE: Even though most USians support mandating contraception coverage, the highly brave Santorum wants to fight "the dangers of contraception." Perfect.

The thing about Rick Santorum is that he's like a full-tilt good idea making machine.

In other news, Rick Perry Newt Gingrich is definitely still in the race! He has not dropped out yet! Also: Something something Ron Paul. These two politicking dynamos have really captured America's imagination! GOOD JOB, GUYS! You should definitely keep at it, because you both have a GREAT CHANCE of winning! He who dares wins, amirite? Or at least spends lots of conservatives' money for no reason! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!

Finally: Do you want to see an excellent campaign ad from Mitt Romney? Sure you do! I mean, this thing is just GREAT. Not only does it make a strong appeal to Michigan voters on the basis that Mitt Romney is soooooo Michigan and totes grew up there and what great memories and his dad was governor and it's almost like he's got motor oil running through his veins (which is not even an intentional robot joke!), but also it is definitely very honest about what has caused the complete decimation of the auto industry and turned Detroit into a ghost town:

Mitt Romney, over a montage of him driving in a car, old video footage of kids playing and vintage cars and people leaving the factory at the end of the day, a photo of him and his dad, a photo of him in an old car as a kid, a photo of him and his wife when they were young, modern skyscrapers, abandoned Detroit homes, and other trite and/or exploitative imagery: Now, when I grew up in Michigan, it was exciting to be here. I remember going to the Detroit Auto Show with my dad—that was a big deal. How in the world did an industry and its leaders and its unions get in such a fix that they lost jobs, that they lost their future? President Obama did all these things that liberals have wanted to do for years, so the fact that you've got millions of Americans out of work, home values collapsing, people here in Detroit in distress—I want to make Michigan stronger and better. Michigan's been my home, and this is personal. I'm Mitt Romney and I approve this message.

Yiiiiiiiiiiiiikes. You know, I'm sure there are people in Michigan, even in Detroit, who support Mitt Romney and will vote for him and hope he becomes the next president, but I'm pretty sure exactly ZERO of them actually believe that the reason the auto industry, the state, and Detroit are in the state they're in is exclusively (or even primarily) the fault of Barack Obama. NO ONE BELIEVES THAT. Not even diehard Republicans. That is a truly incredible claim. And no Republican in Michigan should vote for Mitt Romney, just because that ad imagines they are stupid enough to believe that shit.

Yuck, Mitt Romney. You're gross.

Talk about these things! Or don't. Whatever makes you happy. Life is short.