The Walking Thread

[Content Note: References to violence and self-harm.]


Lori yells at Andrea for insufficient skillz in Being Dude Property.
(Spoilers lurch undeadly herein.)

Ugh, this show. UGH. I hate it so much now! I especially hate all the ways in which it tells me that ladies are property of men and should never be allowed under any circumstances to make decisions for themselves because THEY WILL INSTANTLY REGRET IT.

In case you were wondering if the makers of this show view women as nothing more than props, please direct your attention to the official web site's photos from this episode, which do not include a single image of any female character. Whoops!

I loved how the episode started with Grimes and Shane pulling up to a LITERAL CROSSROADS and getting out to have an Important Man Conversation. (Subtle.) In case you missed the fact that they were at a LITERAL CROSSROADS, there was an overhead crane shot or twelve to show you that they were manning it up in a manful way at a LITERAL CROSSROADS. Ugh, this show.

Deeks and I watched the episode together via text last night, and here are some fun highlights from our conversation...

Deeks: There is just sooooo much testosterone in this scene.

Liss: This scene smells like Old Spice and balls.

* * *

Liss: Look, the women are in the kitchen. How quaint!

Deeks: Lori doesn't have a choice!!!

Liss: YES YOU DID HAVE A CHOICE, LORI, BUT YOUR ASSHOLE HUSBAND SHAMED YOU FOR TRYING TO MAKE IT!

Deeks: This show. I swear.

* * *

Deeks: What's with the guy in the trunk? Is this a Quentin Tarantino movie?

Liss: Surprise, dirtbags! The dude in the trunk had a sat nav prince alberted to his wiener the whole time!

Deeks: LOL! Prince Albert sat nav!

Liss: Why do they want to dump him here? This makes no sense.

Deeks: These zombies can't run, right? How do these dolts always get overrun?

Liss: "Why would you save me just to leave me here?" GOOD QUESTION.

* * *

Liss: Things I Would Never Do in a Zombiepocalypse: Try to convince anyone else there's a reason to live. "Stay strong for them." Uh, fuck you.

Deeks: Right? "Feel free to kill yourself."

Liss: "Would you like me to kill you? I'll do it, if you want."

Deeks: "Or if you'd like me to do it for you..."

Liss: In a Zombiepocalypse, I would just locate a helicopter and then charge people $5 for the privilege of throwing themselves into its blades.

Deeks: LOL!

* * *

Liss: So much grunting! This scene [Grimes and Shane fighting] is even worse than the talking. Get a room, Grimeshane!

Deeks: LOL! "This isn't about you!"

Liss: Close combat with a zombie is a great idea when you've got open wounds on your face. Put that open head wound right in the blood puddle, Grimes!

* * *

Deeks: So now, on top of the Zombiepocalypse, they've suicide watch, too?

Liss: "Stop committing suicide!" "You can't tell me what to do!" "Yes, I can! Stop committing suicide!" "I can kill myself if I want to!"

Deeks: Right? Screaming at someone who is suicidal is an excellent idea.

* * *

Deeks: Get in the kitchen! The men can handle this!

Liss: Men can't do cooking and cleaning, no doy.

Deeks: Are we supposed to take Lori's side here?

Liss: "Acting like the queen bee!" LOL! Who the fuck is writing this—my dead grandma?

Deeks: Mrs. Fancy Britches really is a nosy parker!

Liss: LOL! You think you're Queen of the May with your taffeta bloomers!

* * *

Deeks: A man would kick that door down!

Liss: I love how any woman allowed to make her own choice on this show IMMEDIATELY regrets it.

Deeks: No doy. Women are flighty bitches! And all the men on this show have extra brains in their peens.

Liss: LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!

* * *

Liss: So...this whole episode was pointless.

Deeks: Yes.

Liss: This is written by people who have never met other humans before, right? The writers of this show are feral children spawned in a lab in the 70s whose funding ran out during the Bush administration.

Deeks: I think so. Because no one who has ever known a real human would write characters like this.

Liss: Next Week: More Nothing!