Primarily Endless

There are very few immutable truths in US politics. "Ronald Reagan can't win." "Al Gore is a sure thing." "Vote for Barack Obama and he'll defend reproductive choice." Whoops, whoops, and whooooooooops! The political landscape is ever changing, and just when you think you're certain of something, suddenly George W. Bush is up in your White House, heh-hehing the country straight off the cliff. But there is ONE THING that you always count on to never, ever, never, ever, never, ever change. And that is the fact that Rick Santorum is a garbage nightmare.

This one glimmer of consistency in an uncertain world might be reassuring, if it weren't for the fact that Rick Santorum, one of the most vile specimens of unrepentant privilege-defending bullying to ever stride across a flag-bedecked stage, is inching his way toward the Republican nomination for the US presidency.

Misogynistic inch by homophobic inch by racist inch by Christian Supremacist inch.

Here's a FUN STORY about what a neat candidate Rick Santorum is: On March 18, Puerto Rico will hold a primary, and Santorum traveled to the US territory yesterday to campaign, where he told its residents that they need to learn to speak English! "Like any other state, there has to be compliance with this and any other federal law. And that is that English has to be the principal language. There are other states with more than one language such as Hawaii but to be a state of the United States, English has to be the principal language." HA HA that is not only ethically wrong; it is also factually wrong! There is no federal statute requiring English as an official or primary language as a condition of statehood.

GOOD JOB AS ALWAYS, RICK SANTORUM! I just can't get ENOUGH of watching you mangle law, history, religion, and decency on the campaign trail!

!Ricardo Santorum es una pesadilla de basura!

In related news, Rick Santorum suddenly has a better chance in Illinois, after failing to qualify for the ballot, since Mitt Romney's Illinois state campaign chair declined to challenge Santorum's failure to meet signature requirements in 10 of the state's 18 congressional districts. Guess why? If you guessed "because Romney picked some douche who wants to run for governor and thus doesn't want to piss off other Republicans in his state," give yourself 1,000 points! WELCOME TO ILLINOIS, MITT ROMNEY!

And, hey, when you're done having a pout in the parlor about how shitty your very shitty campaign is, pull yourself together and GET ON MESSAGE, any message at all, before the Republican Establishment actively facilitates a brokered convention and pays Jeb Bush a trillion dollars to accept the nomination.

Something something Ron Paul cutting a deal with Mitt Romney. Never has such a fine deal been struck since Ron Paul's granny, Ayn Rand Paul, struck a deal with the Titanic.


In other news, Newt Gingrich is a human being who is running for president in the United States of America, and he is "staying in this race." Great news for us all, I'm sure.

Talk about these things! Or don't. Whatever makes you happy. Life is short.