Primarily Barfy

At some point, the general election is going to start in earnest, at which point this series will change from Primarily X to Generally X. I can't wait for that day to come! Partly because that means I won't have to think about Ron Paul for another four years, but mostly because it means we're one step closer to this election being over. And you know what that means: A re-elected President Obama and his second-term socialist wonderland! I CAN'T WAIT!

But first they've got to come up with a campaign slogan. Personally, I like "Yes, We Promise To!" and "Hope for Change!" Or maybe "Twelve-Dimensional Chess Just Got Thirteenier!" Something that really captures the gossamer promise of progress on which this administration will never meaningfully deliver, while also conveying the smug joy of being the only electable option in the US besides a Republican garbage nightmare.


Speaking of Republican garbage nightmares, here is my favoritest Newt Gingrich headline of the day: Gingrich All But Quits Presidential Campaign. Ha ha awwwwwww! Poor Newt Gingrich! Everybody hates him, nobody loves him, and he's gonna sit in the corner and eat wet cigarette butts! SO THERE!


But not before he attends just oooooooooooone moooooooooooore campaign event!

Blah blah Rick Santorum.

Mitt Romney, who is such a terrible candidate that even though he has obviously been the only viable nominee for months there are still three dipshits wasting time and money trying to figure out a way to stop his inevitable ascension to the ranks of the Lost to Barack Obama Club—


—is currently losing by double-digits to the President on key issues like "who would do a better job of protecting the middle class, addressing women's issues, handling international affairs and dealing with health care," i.e. things that matter. And: "On personal traits, the president's edge is even bigger: He has a better than 2-to-1 advantage as the more friendly and likable of the two, and nearly that margin as 'more inspiring'."

I frankly can't believe it's only two to one. It should be ten jillion to one. I may grouse about the President when he disappoints, because I want him to do better, but that's policy shit. He seems so much more genuinely down-to-earth, and is personally so much more inspiring, than Mitt Romney, that there isn't a scale in the multiverse sufficiently diverse in its measure to record the disparity between the two of them.

Talk about these things! Or don't. Whatever makes you happy. Life is short.