Primarily Garbage

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If there's ONE THING you need to know about Republican candidate and presumptive 2012 nominee Mitt Romney, it's that he's definitely in touch with the concerns, lives, and needs of the Common Man.

(Common Women, please report your issues to Ann Romney, who will filter through them, decide what you need, and pass that shit on to Mitt.)

In today's news about what a terrific candidate Mitt Romney is...

Sal Gentile at Up With Chris Hayes—Romney: Welfare Parents 'Need to Go to Work': "In a speech to the National Rifle Association on Friday, [Romney said], 'I happen to believe that all moms are working moms.' But video from earlier this year, aired today on Up w/ Chris Hayes, shows Romney campaigning on the proposition that meaningful welfare reform should require parents with children to get out of the home and into the workforce." Ha ha what Mitt Romney means is that all privileged straight white married stay-at-home moms are working moms doing the hardest job there is on the planet, but poor moms are welfare queens who need to GET A REAL JOB.

Garrett Haake at MSNBC—Romney Offers Policy Details at Closed-Door Fundraiser: "Romney went into a level of detail not usually seen by the public in the speech, which was overheard by reporters on a sidewalk below. 'I'm going to take a lot of departments in Washington, and agencies, and combine them. Some eliminate, but I'm probably not going to lay out just exactly which ones are going to go. Things like Housing and Urban Development, which my dad was head of, that might not be around later. ... The Department of Education: I will either consolidate with another agency, or perhaps make it a heck of a lot smaller. ... But I'm not going to actually go through these one by one. What I can tell you is, we've got far too many bureaucrats. I will send a lot of what happens in Washington back to the states.'" SO GOOD LUCK, RED STATES! Vote for Mitt Romney, who will take away your federal spending so your standard of services and care will be totally contingent on state revenue even though whooooooooops you tend to have the highest levels of unemployment, underemployment, and poverty! Stock up on bootstraps now!

Ben Smith at BuzzFeed—Romney Sells Inauguration Access, Nine Months Early: "Former Governor Mitt Romney is already offering top donors access to a special 'Presidential Inaugural retreat,' planned on the assumption that he will be elected president this November. The offer, in a fundraising email circulated by a top Georgia supporter to fellow Republicans and obtained by BuzzFeed, is one of several goodies offered to those who contribute more than $50,000 to the joint fundraising committee known as "Romney Victory"... Those donors will be named 'Founding Members' of Romney Victory and invited to a California retreat with Romney and offered 'yet to be determined access at the Republican National Convention in Tampa in August.' They will also 'have preferred status at the first Presidential Inaugural retreat,' the email says." Ooh SIGN ME UP lulz! And then use my money to buy the licensing rights to use "High Hopes" in a campaign advert!

Everyone knows a Mitt can't move a sitting president. But he's got HIGH HOPES! He's got HIGH HOPES! He's got high apple pie, car elevator to the sky hopes!

Speaking of Mitt Romney losing to President Barack Obama: "President Barack Obama's re-election campaign announced Monday that they raised $53 million in March, up about $8 million from the month before. ... The campaign of all but certain Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney has not yet released their March fundraising figures. The former Massachusetts governor raised $12 million in February, with $7.3 million cash on hand."

HIGH HOPES!

Talk about these things! Or don't. Whatever makes you happy. Life is short.