Today in Mitt Romney Stands in Front of Something

Have y'all heard what a great candidate Mitt Romney is? I'm sure you've heard rumors and whispers about how he's totes the best candidate ever, but let me be the first to confirm the scuttlebutt: Mitt Romney is definitely for sure no question you bet the most awesomest candidate ever to run for the presidency of the United States of America.

Exhibit A: Romney Says America Doesn't Need "More Firemen, More Policemen, More Teachers."

[President Obama] wants another stimulus, he wants to hire more government workers. He says we need more firemen, more policemen, more teachers. Did he not get the message of Wisconsin? The American people did. It's time for us to cut back on government and help the American people.

It's time for us to help the American people by getting rid of the people—who are themselves obviously not American people and even if they were would definitely be helped by being fired, because smaller government is better for everyone, especially people employed by the government—who provide services like putting out house fires, arresting rapists and murderers, and educating children. GET RID OF THOSE SCOUNDRELS! All they do is waste taxpayers' hard-earned money, which would be much better spent on academy tuition, elaborate security systems and private arsenals, and rebuilding homes burnt to the ground! Goddamn Democrats.

Mitt Romney 4 president of everything.