I Play Bingo: Archbishop Poopypants Edition

[Content note: This post contains reference to anti-gay bigotry and fearmongering, as well as appropriative Holocaust references.]

Former Archbishop of Canterbury Lord Carey (aka "Lord Player") is at it again:

The former archbishop of Canterbury, Lord Carey, has accused David Cameron of "plundering" the institution of heterosexual marriage to promote same-sex marriage rights. Allowing gay marriage would cause deep divisions in society "without giving gays a single right they do not have in civil partnership", he said....

Carey claimed that in some countries where same-sex marriage had been made legal – including Mexico, Brazil and the Netherlands – it had led to unforeseen consequences such as three-person marriages.

Asked about opponents of gay marriage being described as "bigots" – on one occasion by Nick Clegg, the deputy prime minister – Carey said: "Let us remember the Jews in Nazi Germany. What started against them was when they started to be called names."

CALLING NAMES! Yes, that was definitely the problem in Nazi Germany. And that was definitely when anti-Semitism started. Or, uhm, something.

*sigh*

I have tried, previously, in this space, to explain to him politely, if snarkily why his remarks are absolutely bullying and heinous--and why, as the former symbolic head of the Anglican Communion, his words are influential, and dangerously so, with the power to bolster those who would use his vision of Anglicanism to persecute LGBTQ* folk.

Mysteriously, he does not seem persuaded by my overtures. Could it be that he does not read Shakesville? INCONCEIVABLE!

So, since appeals to his human decency and Christian charity don't seem to be working, let me put it in terms His Grace might actually care about.

You, sir, look like a jackass.

Your latest screed isn't even worthy of analysis, but it might make a fair Special Edition Archbishop Particularly Poopants Primate Bingo card. Mark off a space for....

*Unsubstantiated claims that legalizing same-sex marriage will "plunder" opposite sex marriage!

*Claiming that marriage won't give any rights civil partnership doesn't! Because the fucking right to marry clearly doesn't count!

(That square comes with a special bonus in Lord Player Particularly Poopyants Primate Bingo, since he spent a great deal of energy lobbying for the Prince of Wales' right to... wait for it... marry!)

*Bizarre claims about countries where same-sex marriage is legal! Because no one can use teh Google to find out if you are full of shit.

*POLGAMY OMG! OMG!

*Completely un-ironic invocation of Nazi Germany. Because it is so totally cool to appropriate the persecution of Jews to make claims about gay people, who were also persecuted by Nazis. Cool! Very cool, Lord Player! (Hint: it is not actually cool.)

*Also, same-sex marriage = JUST LIKE THE REICHSTAG FIRE! As recorded by that well-known historian, Professor Poopypants Primate, (retired).

...and BINGO! I have won a prize! Okay, so it's a deluxe set of sherry bottles shaped like C.S. Lewis' head, but it is still a PRIZE.

And all that was in just one article. Unreal. Lord Player, I think it's official. You need a nap.