Matrimonially Speaking

"October Surprise you!"             "No, October Surprise YOU!"
So, the big election news today is all about marriage. Straight marriage. Technically speaking, divorce. The primary sources being the very reputable Daily Mail and TMZ. Good grief, this election.

1. The Daily Mail reports (link goes to NY Mag's coverage) that Donald Trump's promised "October Surprise" is the BOMBSHELL REVELATION!!!!1!! that there is a rumor in the world that the Obamas had divorce papers drawn up more than a decade ago during a rocky point in their marriage. Even if that is accurate, the worst part about this story is that anyone thinks it's any of our business.

The hilarious thing about a conservative trying to make hay out of that story—besides the obvious and laughably stupid implication that it's supposed to reflect the state of their relationship now—is that, if the Obamas were on the verge of divorce and then found a way to move past problems and stayed together, that's exactly what conservatives say married couples should do.

So what's the story? That the Obamas have an imperfect relationship, like everyone else? OH NOES! Spoiler Alert: Living progressives (as opposed to the ones built out of straw by conservatives) don't actually believe the President and First Lady are infallible deities.

(Incidentally, questioning the legitimacy of the President's marriage in addition to questioning the legitimacy of his birth is, ya know, just a wee bit totally fucking racist.)

2. Meanwhile, TMZ reports that Gloria Allred's promised "October Surprise" is the sealed divorce record of a Mitt Romney associate on whose behalf, his ex-wife alleges, Romney lied under oath about the value of stock he held.

During [Staples' founder Tom Stemberg]'s uber nasty divorce case with ex-wife Maureen, Mitt Romney gave a deposition and testified during the trial that Staples was worth virtually nothing. Romney testified that the company was worth very little and Tom was a dreamer and "the dream continues."

Romney characterized the Staples stock as "overvalued," adding, "I didn't place a great deal of credibility in the forecast of the company's future."

Partly as a result of Romney's testimony, Maureen got relatively little in the divorce, but we're told just weeks after the divorce ended, Romney and Tom went to Goldman Sachs and cashed in THEIR stock for a fortune.

It doesn't sound to me like Romney did anything provably criminal, by which I mean he was testifying to his opinion, so even if he lied under oath (ha ha he definitely did), it's impossible to prove.

So what's the story? That Mitt Romney is an unethical dirtbag? Yeah, no shit.

I'll keep you posted on these BLOCKBUSTER STORIES!