SparksTV

A year ago, I brought you the exciting news that America's Sweetauthor Mr. Nicholas Sparks was going to "create a smart, unconventional show about angels on Earth" for ABC. Obviously that sounded GREAT, and I'm not sure whatever happened to that fabulous project but I hope it is in production and making fully one million dollars an episode for Mr. Nicholas Sparks. I don't know what goes on over at ABC because the only thing I watch on that network is Shark Tank, which I can't even hear over Iain screaming, "TURN THIS SHIT OFF! IT REMINDS ME OF WORK!" and the sound of my resulting laughter.

But I digress.

The point is never mind that angel show because the poet laureate of barf, Mr. Nicholas Sparks, has three new television shows in the works!

Sparks, 46, has put shows into development at three cable networks through Nicholas Sparks Productions, the shingle he started in April with his longtime literary agent Theresa Park.

...At TNT, Sparks is developing a show based on his novel A Bend in the Road with Brandon Camp, who wrote and directed the 2009 feature Love Happens. The romantic drama focuses on a sheriff who must deal with problems in a coastal Georgia town that sees its population soar during the summer tourist season. The novel centered on the relationship between the recently widowed lawman and his son's second grade teacher.

...At ABC Family, Sparks is teaming with John Norris — who co-executive produced the channel's Jane by Design — on The Falls, a modern re-imagining of Romeo and Juliet.

...And for Lifetime, Sparks has set up Deliverance Creek, a post-Civil War drama that explores the lengths one woman goes to protect her family, as she is caught between trying to be good and surviving.

"We're gonna need more seagulls!"—Hollywood.

Obviously those all sound like perfect television shows, which will definitely provide lots of excellent casting opportunities for the sorely under-served acting demographic of attractive young white people.

I don't know about you, but I can't WAIT to not watch all of these shows!